#which is why i've been so active lately but that's beside the point!

[noira-l]

Just the Two of Us

chapter summary: a nice summer day, just what you needed... why is Satoru looking at you like that?

pairing: gojo satoru x f!sorcerer reader

wc: 6,6k

warnings: fluff, slightly kinda suggestive?, blind to love, slight mentioning of sexual activity, spoilers (manga, anime, movie).

author's note: a pleasent day with satoru that is definitly not in love, you are definitly just his "partner", and he definitly don't want to kiss you ;*

s.masterlist

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐 '𝐖𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐛𝐫(𝐞)𝐚𝐤𝐞'

Satoru yawned with fatigue. It was his 3rd day without sleep, during these miserable days: he had pursued the curse that kept eluding him, solved the problem of the cursed object locked in the wall of the mountain, and additionally travelled half the country to find the cursed womb that was registered, to his misfortune it arrived as it hatched and he had to fight it.

All he dreamt about now, was going to bed and get some sleep.

"Why did you stop, Ijichi?" he asked, tipping his head to glance in his direction. Satoru was now on his way home, the road was getting awfully long, it was late at night, and besides, Ijichi didn't seem to be in much of a hurry.

"We have to wait for someone," he announced in a trembling voice. He still didn't know if this was a good idea, he hadn't been given official orders from above, and yet he obeyed. Satoru furrowed his brow in astonishment.

"If anyone would like to see me, have them make an appointment with my secretary, preferably after I've slept a bit. I'm not in the mood for it" he was getting weary and it was no surprise to anyone. Maybe he could get out of this car before this person arrived?

Suddenly, he heard the boot open and immediately afterwards, someone forcefully opened the door. shit, too late.

"Hello Satoru~" you said in a cheerful voice getting into the car with your backpack. You glanced at his face. "Surprised to see me?" you asked.

You knew that this nightly sneaking out could have serious consequences, but at that moment, you totally didn't give a damn.

"Quite a lot." he replied "What do I honour this visit with? Higher-ups have sent us on missions again? How wonderful" his voice was tired, but still gravelly and bored to the point of pain. Looking at him, you are unable to tell how many days he has been without sleep.

"Well not this time." you replied "We're going on holiday." you said it with a smile, as if it wasn't you at all.

"Ee- what?" he probably couldn't have been more confused. He was too tired to process it.

"You hear right." you started to pull something out of your backpack "Ijichi, to the train station!" you said it quite loudly. Gojo didn't know if he was dreaming or already hallucinating, it had been a long time since he had seen you so happy. A packet of sweets appeared in your hand, you reached out, to hand it to him with a sly smile.

Apparently that was enough to make Satoru shut up and focus his attention on something other than complaining. He was tired enough that he didn't want to pursue the subject. And your presence made him go on autopilot and not care about anything as long as you were close and full of strength.

You knew the mission was hard for him, especially as he was silent the whole way to the station, eating the sweets you had bought him. All the way from the station to the small village where you had a rented a cottage, Satoru slept, resting his head on your shoulder. When you got off, you just had to drag him with your luggage for some time, but you managed to endure it.

He really was like a child sometimes, you stated as you opened the door and threw your luggage on the floor. It took about 20 minutes before you'd got your head around everything, in which Gojo managed to slide off the couch you'd arranged him on. Fortunately, all that was left was to put him to bed, which you had done more than once, you had experience of managing him in his almost dead-sleeping state when he returned from a mission. This activity, without you being surprised, took the least amount of time. You both found yourselves in your pyjamas, snuggled together on a nice and cool bed.

----

Satoru was slightly awake, not wanting to open his eyes, he started to adjust the pillow under his head. He tried to arrange it a few times, each time it didn't work out the way he wanted this pillow doesn't arrange like the ones I bought last year.

Then it dawned on him that he wasn't in his bed. He opened his crystal blue eyes to looked around the room. It was definitely not his bedroom. He furrowed his brow, lifting himself off the pillow completely, finally connecting the dots in his head and remembering what had happened.

You took him on holiday. That much he managed to remember.

After his morning visit in toilet, he head to the kitchen, following a pleasantly sweet smell.

There you stood, in a summer dress he had never seen before, arranging various desserts and many types of sweet bread on a large, decorated tray.

"Good morning, how did you sleep?" you sensed his presence immediately, besides you also heard him going to the bathroom.

The white-haired man looked around the kitchen and the connected dining room. Everything was clean, neat, well decorated, you could feel the atmosphere of the countryside and the remoteness from the city. This house looked like one where one could truly relax.

"Well, I finally got some sleep. This chasing of curses is such a pain." he sighed straightening his limbs after sleeping.

Just then you put the trays of baked goods on the table "I'm glad, I asked my friend to buy us fresh baked goods in the morning, I didn't think he would bring so many." you giggled clearly embarrassed. That's not what I had in mind, when I asked him for variety.

Satoru sat down on a chair, crossing his legs. ''And why are we even here? Not that I'm complaining, I'm happy when my wife visits me at work and then takes me out into unfamiliar territory when I'm practically asleep...but it's not in your style."

You sighed as you poured portions of fresh juice into your glasses. He's been calling you his wife more and more lately, and you wonder if this is getting under one of his taunts.

"I've decided we need a holiday. Both of us. Away from everything for a while." you said putting your glasses on the table.

"Megumi?" he looked concerned.

"With Shoko" you answered. Satoru noded in understanding.

"Back to the topic. It's well known if we're gone for a long time, the world will come crashing down after all, so I told the higher-ups that we're just going on a weekend of well-deserved rest." Satoru started laughing, your head turned towards him.

"You're joking. They'll probably find out now by questioning Ijichi where we are." he took one of the baked goods in his hand. As soon as he bit into it a wave of flavour spread over his tongue. Wonderful.

"Well no, I payed them a visit myself." you sat down close to him, he reached for his glass at the time "I expressed my opinions on some things and said we were going on holiday." Satoru listened intently unable to believe a bit of what he was hearing. Since when did you stop being so conciliatory?

"Of course, they didn't agree at first. Stubborn, old fools." you mumble the last part "For two days of our absence, the world won't collapse, come on." you took a cupcake yourself "Besides, I said that if they tried to stop us, their walls would have a new, more hmm.. purple colour." you bit into the baked goods and he almost choked on his juice.

Are you capable of such things? Yes, you are, he knew that. He knew you enough to also know, that you avoid such solutions and consider them a last resort. Unlike him.

"I'm sick and tired of them bossing us all the time, treating us like their property. If you wanted to, you could smash them with one finger and you wouldn't even break a sweat, they know it well, and yet, we let them get on our heads too much." you drank a glass of your juice.

Satoru was still silent, his eyes glancing once at you and then another sweet roll on the tray. You're probably right, he's been more stressed lately, the pressure is overwhelming, it's taking its toll on your relationship. It spoils the blood not only for him, but also for you, who also have to deal with them when he's not around. Although it doesn't matter now, these two days should pretty much reset him, bringing him back to his open to fun and confident self.

Damn. He is indeed too serious lately.

Fortunately, here with you, he can relax and let himself be carried away by the programme you have planned for him, because he knew you had something planned. You handled such things well, unlike him. His speciality was spontaneity and unscripted decisions.

"So what's the agenda for today, sweetie?" he said while shoving another sweet roll into himself, not wanting to pursue the uncomfortable topic any further. It was his sixth roll somehow.

"I'll explain. A friend of mine is coming over in an hour or so, he's going to give us bikes and we're going to ride around, I've got a couple of spots we might like. And tomorrow we will go to the hot springs and then I have a surprise planned for you." you replied with a wide smile pleased with the plan. Gojo was happy with it too. "I want to have fun." you smiled to yourself.

"So a bike tour, huh? Just don't complain if I leave you behind or your legs hurt, we both know I'm faster." another cupcake was in his hand. who makes such yummy food?

"I have one more thing for you, a request actually."

"Hm?" he paused devouring a sweet roll to look at you. His white hair were still messy and his crystal eyes aroused, from the amount of sugar he had consumed. There was frosting from the baked goods at the corner of his mouth, and scattered crumbs on his bare chest and belly.

Does he always have to look captivating in all conditions?

"This trip is because we both need a break from our duties. And this trip is primarily for you, Satoru.'' he looked at you as if you were a freak, and it was him that the strawberry filling fell on his stomach.

"Duh~ Of course even the strongest need a break. They think this perfection keeps itself going?" he said scooping the filling from his skin with his finger, licking the contents as soon as he put his finger around his mouth.

"Please listen." you looked at him seriously "This holiday is not because 'the strongest needs a break', no." You got up from your chair and quickly walked over to the linen bag hanging on the chair, pulling something out of it and tucking it behind your back, walking over to him again. "This trip is because Satoru needs a break." you stood next to him, placing your hand on the back of the chair behind him.

Your other hand revealed a pair of round, dark, blue tinted glasses.

You both knew what those glasses were. They had belonged to him back in his high school days, the exact pair you had once taken from him during training as a trophy for beating him in melee training. Six eyes was shocked when you knocked him to the ground. You used trickery of course, but you didn't set the rules, so the prize was yours. Now he's surprised too, at how good a condition they're in, and that you kept them at all.

You found them recently in one of the boxes you were afraid to look in, because all the stuff from your dorm was there, including Suguru's stuff. But you'd been cleaning recently and decided you should finally do something with it. That's where you noticed the pair of glasses that were lying right on top. There were some other things besides, but you didn't pay any attention to them anymore. These glasses reminded you so much of the good old days, that you just stood there for a few minutes in thought, simply holding them in your hands. They reminded you of all the beautiful moments, hardships and fun you had as a teenager, even though you spent most of your time with Suguru, Gojo also fulfilled some small role in your life back then - when he wasn't teasing you - of course.

It dawned you. That's right! Fun! You closed the cabinet, taking only that item, running to your computer to start planning everything.

"So for the duration of this trip, I'd like you to be exclusively yourself. Not 'the strongest', not 'Six Eyes', not 'the greatest sorcerer of modern era'. No. Please." he parted his lips slightly, his face expressing a lot of emotion as you put your glasses on his nose.

"Just be Satoru. That's all you need to be for me." a gentle smile dawned on your face.

You glanced at him from a little further away. "Look at you, you haven't changed a bit." you brushed his hair with your hand gently. Indeed, he looked the same as he did in his school days, only his boyish features had matured over time. Those are still the same blue eyes that made you dizzy, whenever you tried to focus and glance deeply into them. You noticed something.

Why is he blushing?

Why does his face look like that?

After a long moment, in which his eyes completely failed to leave yours, he burst out laughing. He corrected himself in his chair, at the same time putting his foot back on the floor.

In one swift movement, his hands grasped your figure, making you sit sideways on his lap. His face moved dangerously close to yours, one of his hands was on your back, the other on your exposed thigh.

What is he doing?

You were surprised at how easily he was able to seat you and with what gentleness his arms embrace you. His hand moved from your thigh to his nose, as he lowered his glasses to look at you. His eyes literally scanned yours, your bewildered face beginning to take on colour, a little more and that deeply hidden blush would come out into the world.

"Only if this miserable girl from my class joins me too, heh." his shit-eating grin made you hot. Your heartbeat drowned out your thoughts for a moment.

Wait - what did he call you?

You gave him a gentle nudge, standing up from him, pouting.

"Idiot."

His retch filled the silence completely.

----

The forest through which you passed seemed endless. Beautiful colours surrounded you all over. The perfect weather only accentuated them. You drove a little uphill the mountains, sun peeking out from behind the leaves, leaving glowing glimpses on the forest road.

Satoru was riding ahead of you, not holding the steering wheel with his hands at all. His legs holding the bike frame were enough for him. You wondered if he was even looking at the road, he had his phone in his hand, playing some kind of mobile game. Occasionally he would stop with a squeal of brakes, to take a picture of what was a nicer bit of terrain. The real revelation was, when he spotted a bird playing with a stick a few good metres away; you didn't notice it, but he had his eyes and a pretty good zoom on his camera.

However, you had been on straight road for a while, so his full attention was focused on the phone. You came up with a slightly crazy idea. You made sure that your backpack and the contents of your basket were well secured, and then you started to speed up rapidly. You passed him very quickly. When you were in his line of sight, you showed him your tongue and continued your fast ride far ahead of him.

He quickly tucked the phone away, you had caught his attention enough, that he saw your haste as a challenge.

You don't know how long it took you to race him. You could say that you quite matched his pace, overtaking him every now and then, or he was gaving you a head start, there was that option too. You didn't want to let go too easily, although you were slowly running out of strength, you were glad that your cursed energy was helping a bit with that. Sometimes he tried to disturb you, for example: trying to poke your cheek, he had long enough arms to reach easily. You did not remain indebted to him, by trying to ride close enough to him, that you had to step back slightly.

This situation was no different. You overtook him again, this time quite a bit, you turned around when you noticed that he didn't manage to overtake you. His smile was the same one you remembered from the better days of your high school. His whole look was practically the same, you're sure it's a matter of those glasses.

Was he the same? It was hard to tell. You thought for a bit and stopped looking at the road.

Quickly turning your head to notice a pretty big turn. Really close to you.

“Shi-” you had already prepared for the fact that you might fall off a cliff. You already wanted to use your technique, when suddenly something pulled you back with considerable power. Your back hit something. The white-haired man pulled you towards him with the whole bike, a couple of meters away from the turn, completely stopping you in the process.

“Did you just use your blue on me?” you asked, quite shocked.

He answered you nothing and silence, you couldn't read his smile. Without a word, he rode quickly away from you gaining a murderous pace, ringing his bike bell cheerfully in the process.

----

A shadow perfectly enveloped your figures as you sat down by a tree together to rest for a while. Satoru asked for moments to pause, wearing his old glasses, while pleasant and nostalgic, put him into a slight migraine overtime. Though he didn't want to admit it to you, you knew him well enough by now to wordlessly hand him banages from his backpack with a slight smile.

He accepted the material, wrapped them around his eyes, giving him a long sigh of relief. He was truly grateful to you for understanding his needs, giving him a moment's pause whenever he needed it. He put the cloth over his eyes, closing them and trying to fight the migraine that was slowly growing inside him. He concentrated for the moment on his own thoughts, which were mainly focused on you. Were you always so caring? No wonder Megumi came to you more often with most of his needs.

The minutes passed at a fast pace, for that, his migraine refused to pass so quickly. He was replaying some memories in his head that had just flown by. He didn't even notice when he started to fall asleep, surrounded by the hum and soothing gusts of wind and the pleasant scent of nature.

----

He was awakened by a gentle nudge from something near his leg. Satoru opened his eyes and looked quickly at the scene before him. You sat down in front of him, still with the same soothing smile. When you noticed that you had woken him up by accident, you put your hand on his leg, muttering a quiet "sorry''. He noticed you were tinkering with something, by the fact that were sitting a piece away, with your back to him, he was unable to notice what, he was too sleepy for that.

Satoru took off his banages completely, depositing them in the backpack beside him, and in one efficient movement put his glasses on his nose. His migraine had stopped finally, he felt extremely relaxed and rested.

The view was beautiful, the picturesque fields and mountains seemed endless. For moments he stared at the white clouds, absorbing his six eyes with this view, waiting for you to finish working on something. Which you did literally moments later turning to face him, draping the fruit of your labour behind your back.

"I have something for you." you said. The smile wasn't coming off your face today, usually you were much more serious, thoughtful and even sometimes sad, in contrast to him, he was never serious, thoughtful or sad. At least that's what he tried to pretend. Today was different though, today he didn't have to pretend his happiness even a little bit.

"A gift. For me? You spoil me completely today." he chuckled with his confident smile, simultaneously interested in what she had prepared for him.

"Close your eyes." without thinking, he followed your command with his smile. He listened as you moved closer to him, he even felt your touch on his leg again, when you needed a gentle support. Your hands moved closer to his face. He felt something on his head, a very gentle weight, barely perceptible.

"You can open now." So he did, which was met with the sight of you taking a picture of him.

"Wait a minute, that's what you pay for! Do you know how many people want a photo with that georgous face?" he reached out to take the phone from your hands, you responded by giving the phone behind you as much as you could. This light-hearted tug-of-war didn't last long, at least not until out of the corner of his eye he noticed the screen with the photo you'd taken earlier. He moved away in amazement.

A crown of flowers? And not just any crown, you could see the craftsmanship of its creation, the blue and white flowers matched himperfectly. He also noticed, that there was another one lying next to you, with flowers perfectly matched to you.

Without thinking much, he took it in his hands and placed it on your head, just as you had done before. Satoru tried to hide the blush that appeared on his pale cheeks, again this day. For that, you hiding your blush and sweet sigh proved to be impossible. Not when your heart was suddenly beating harder, you didn't quite understand why again. Perhaps it was the fact that Satoru slid his hands along your cheeks, gently stroking them with his thumbs, gazing at you intensely with his sparkling blue eyes. You put your phone down.

Definitely Gojo Satoru was enchanted by the sight. The sight of you flushed cheeks, slightly parted lips and beautiful eyes. You are so mesmerising. The thought crossed his mind that he wanted to keep such a sight of you just for himself.

So this is what Suguru must had seen every day.

He froze, letting go of your face. You glanced at him confused.

Ah yes, one of that thoughts.

You were Suguru Geto's girlfriend in your high school days. You were his best friend's girlfriend. Totally in love with each other, inseparable, always together. Satoru remembered it perfectly. He will never get out of his memory when you came to school together, at first as friends, you and Suguru were already inseparable. He knew that you both came from the same village. It was hard not to notice how condescending, affectionate and absolutely in love with you Suguru was. At least Gojo noticed it right away, you didn't necessarily. His best friend finally dared to confess his feelings to you one day and so you became a couple. The world's most oversweetened, loved, adorable, romatic couple. The amount of this love made Satoru want to vomit. Geto mentioned more than once that he wanted to marry you right after you graduated.

Oh, how fate can be twisted.

After the incident of star plasma vessel, even you were unable to save him. He knew that you tried but failed, he is sure that you are still blaming yourself to this day. The amount of pain the raven-haired man caused both of you was indescribable.

Still, Satoru couldn't get the thought out of his head that he was somehow betraying his best friend by being with you like this. You were Suguru's girlfriend. What is he doing here with you under such circumstances?

Well, that's right - you were.

Suguru was long gone, he knew that. You hadn't been with him for a long time. He broke your heart. He knew, he wasn't coming back. And yet, out of sentiment and out of some strange sense of duty, that one conversation had brought out of him, where the raven-haired had asked him to take care of you, as if something had happened to him. Satoru seems to have taken it too much to heart: by taking care of you for years, befriending you, marrying you and falling in love.

You were his wife now.

You went on dates with others, when you hadn't yet convinced yourselves as much. Everything around you and him screamed that you had come to terms with the situation. Although it took a long time, you had succeeded. He loved him too, in a way. You, in a slightly different way, even though he rarely admits it.

How could he think you had no feelings for him? He didn't know himself. At some point, he had already stopped deceiving himself, when he glanced at the obvious evidence you had substituted for him.

Heck! You even ended up with him for your fifth anniversary. He never felt so good in his life. He is He was asbolutely in love with you, that moment and that feeling. He could be with you like that every day. He wanted to feel vulnerable again, weak and absolutely susceptible to your touch and every feeling you evoke in him.

But he couldn't. He would have fallen impetuously into your arms long ago, for all the years you spent together, for every thing you did for him and taught him. He was so grateful to you.

But...he couldn't. Every time there come situations at which his heart begins to sing, there is also an image of you and his friend together - happy, in love.

And he felt like the total garbage of a person, when he experienced similar feelings with you.

Not because of you, but because of his sense of duty and the awkwardness of the situation. If you continue, as you are now, he will find it hard to control himself. He will end up clingy again, like on your memorable anniversary, and won't be able to stop. Really funny thoughts, considering how close to each other you really are.

Satoru moved away from you, leaning against the tree again.

"Do you miss him sometimes?" You weren't able to hide your confusion when you saw how he completely changed his tone and mood in a second. He removed the crown from his head.

He had to be sure.

"Who?" you asked, not knowing what had suddenly sprung to his mind. He just sighed, looking to the side. "I don't know what you're talking about, Satoru, I'm not sitting in the inside your head." You really hoped this wasn't going to be some kind of argument, that would ruin the good vibe you were so desperate to maintain.

"Him. I'm talking about him, (Y/N)." finally the cogs in your head came together. You sign.

"Ugh, do we really need to talk about him? I don't want to spoil the good times with you." you said laying down entirely on the blanket with a disgruntled expression, you closed your eyes. "I haven't thought about him like this in years, I want to keep the streak."

A long moment of silence passed before you spoke up "..but I've been thinking a lot about you, Satoru." The corners of your mouth lifted. He needs to calm down, he's an adult now and he blushes as often as a teenager.

You lay in silence with your eyes closed, trying to chase all unnecessary thoughts out of your head, repeating to yourself that you should focus on the here and now. You're not going to change the past, there's no point living in it.

After a while you felt movement on the blanket, you opened your eyes slowly, only to see his face above you, he was leaning with one hand over you, the other stroking your cheek. His crystal blue eyes were watching you again. He ran his thumb over, hooking the corner of your lips, making you part them. Why did you even let him do such things? You had stopped asking yourself that question for some time. It seemed somehow unnecessary to you.

"I've been thinking a lot too…" his gaze focused on your parted lips and the uneven breathing that was beginning to build in you, he moved closer.

"...and what were you thinking about?" you said it so quietly that it might as well have been a whisper. You also put your hand on his cheek. Warm, you thought, and noticed too. You looked at his lips.

He pressed his thumb against your lip making you bite down slightly. His hand moved from your face, down your neck, to your collarbone, eventually ending up as a support for him, right next to your head. He was even closer.

"I think I want to keep racing with you." His nose rubbed against yours, playfully, he began smiling goofily again.

Then he rose and stood up, as if he hadn't just given you a heart attack, shaking the remnants of grass off himself while putting on his backpack.

"So, shall we go?" his tone was the same as ever, he had already started to walk towards the bike, as you continued to lie on the blanket, blushing feeling some sort of need that had built up somewhere down.

----

The day was enjoyable.

You rode a bike, took beautiful photographs, had a picnic in a large meadow full of flowers. Just the nice calming things.

Satoru was surprisingly calm until your return home. That was odd. He still radiated a smile, but it was different. Usually he was broad, sometimes arrogant and confident, at times teasing, but this one was smaller, calmer. More affectionate, as if he was smiling half-cheekedly.

His eyes did not leave your side. Which was not new to you, he has a habit of following you around like a stray cat, crying for your attention. Now, however, it was not like that. He just stared, still smiling, responding calmly. Well, maybe not always, because when you were playing Mahjong in the bedroom, he was a bit in over his head, at certain points.

"I can't understand how you win in this game." You scratched your head while glancing at the board. The white tiles were arranged in patterns.

"And I can't understand how you can cook so well. What you prepared today was delicious." he moved the tile on the board.

It was quite late in the evening. A warm summer rain was falling outside the window, irrigating the fields of crops and plants. The sound of soft bells was barely audible from where you were. The two of you were sitting in the bedroom, opposite each other, at an undersized table, drinking tea that you had brewed quite a while ago in a small, decorative teapot. It wasn't long before you had dinner; before heading home, you managed to visit a small farmers' market near the centre of town. You bought all the ingredients and made it into something from an old recipe you got from someone you knew back in middle school.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." you smiled slightly. The image of him devouring the dish you had prepared always touched your heart in some way. Especially since Satoru, never spared a comment describing the wonderfulness of the dish you had cooked.

"When we get home, please make it again, I think Megumi will be pleased too." his gaze stopped on the piece you had just selected.

"You just did a stupid thing." his voice was quite calm. You analyse a bit.

"I still don't know how to play this game." You paused for a moment from making a move to reach for the teapot and pour yourself some tea. His hands overtook you, lifting the teapot and pouring the hot liquid directly into your porcelain. You thanked him quietly, enjoying his kind gesture.

"Mahjong is a Chinese game, it's possible you might not have known it, it's not so often played in our country." He put down the teapot to the stand, returning his gaze to your face.

"I am not surprised by its presence in this house, even the porcelain we drink from comes from China. So is the owner." You glanced at his cup to see if you should pour it for him too, but the cup was almost full.

"How did you meet him?" he raised his hand to take a sip of cooling tea. You were surprised at how gracefully he does it, as if he has a habit of manners. We're talking about the same Satoru who sometimes played with his food, along with Tsumiki.

"I exorcised the curse that tormented his brother's house not far away. As a token of gratitude for saving his life, he said I could use his summer house. So I did. Although I really resisted it at first, I didn't want him to feel indebted to me. As it turned out, this is a man who feels indebted if he doesn't return the favour."

You pulled the night dressing gown tighter over your body. His blue irises fixed on the board.

"You always take care of others." he said it as if more to himself.

"It's my duty, besides, I like doing it." You lifted your cup up. He continued to stare at the white tiles on the board.

"How did you learn to play Mahjong?" you asked him, the cup clattering against the stand. He signed.

"When I was young, I played this game with one of my teachers." Satoru turned the plate in his hands, examining it from all sides.

"What was his name? What did he teach you?" the white-haired one said nothing for a long moment.

"I don't remember his name or where he came from. My teachers changed quite quickly, no one would stay to teach me for longer. My skills developed rapidly." A white plate rose up in front of his nose, began to rotate by his blue force, and he continued, "I remember him teaching me object control. In the beginning, he showed it to me on the tiles from Majhong, which is why I learned." The tile began to fall, and he caught it in flight. You began to wonder.

"Is there a teacher you particularly remember?" you wanted to find out a bit more about. It seemed pleasant to you, personal enough to get to know him at the same time, but distant enough to be safe.

"No."

"You haven't managed to build a relationship with anyone?" you asked softly, trying to catch his gaze, which was still fixed on the piece in his hand.

"No. My needs changed quite quickly, as did the people around me." he replied dryly, his uncovered eyes expressing more emotion than tone of voice.

You knew that Satoru had been pampered from a young age, spoilt, honoured, he had been so special that everyone had done everything possible to ensure he was looked after in the best possible way.

You were at the headquarters of his clan, you experienced the assessing gaze that measured your worth equally with your strength level. Satoru had the most of it.

You knew he had had a difficult childhood, it wasn't hard to guess. What you sometimes managed to forget through his playful and confident nature, was how lonely he was from the start. You weren't surprised at how much he was affected by his best friend leaving. And now, despite this knowledge, you shouldn't be surprised that he doesn't bond with most of the people he's met. Since he had always been put on a pedestal, it was hard for him to look for commonalities in people or look at their worth, regardless of strength. You experienced this yourself from his side. After spending years with him, you are able to conclude that he has changed that a bit in himself. This does not change the fact that it came with great effort on his part. He is a diffrent man, but still alone with his strenght.

"It must have been lonely." voice betrayed your thoughts, as did the compassion that slipped from your gaze.

Satoru rose from his seat. Instinctively, you reached out to grab him. Afraid that you somehow hurt him. You said something wrong, didn't you? You didn't manage to grab his hand, you were already about to start apologising to him, but he circled the table and found himself sitting on the floor, close to you, hugging you and pressing your head against his chest.

"Satoru? What are you doing?" you lifted your gaze to find his eyes staring at you.

"You said that when you are sad, sometimes instead of saying something I should hug you." his voice was so sincere, open in a way. You smiled slightly, surprised that he didn't understand.

"That wasn't…" he pressed you tighter against him, suppressing your urge to correct what you meant. You embraced him too, putting your arms around his waist and laying your head on his shoulder. You chuckled.

It finally clicked in your head why he did what he did. You couldn't hold back a smile.

You laughed in your soul, at how often you wonder if his touch is typically friendly, caused by years spent together, or if there is something more behind it. Knowing that his touch sometimes put you in a palette of different emotions.

Constantly reminding yourself that by definition you are friends, nothing more, was becoming increasingly difficult for you. Maybe because it was becoming more and more of a lie. At least on your part, you no longer knew how to look at him as a person with whom you only shared a bed and goals. You no longer knew, how to look at him other than as your partner. Hiding it often worked out terribly for you, so you stopped. You didn't want to hold yourself back anymore.

That was your situation. You knew Satoru wasn't the best at expressing his feelings. Often in difficult situations, he falls silent, doesn't know what to do, freezes in place. So you just give him time until he comes to you on his own sometimes. And when he comes, you hold him all the time, promising not to let go.

You are happy that he came to you with this kind gesture.

Even if you think his intentions are different from yours.

"If you want a hug, just do it, anytime, 'Toru." you started stroking his hair, the way he likes it best. You felt his body relax under your touch. White curls escaped through your fingers, soft and pleasant to the touch.

"I'm not surprised you're losing, your positioning is wrong. It's no fun, when you don't even know how to play." he said in his normal voice, then with an efficient movement he planted you between his legs, facing the board. He reached with his long arm for the tea cup on the other side and placed it next to yours.

He pulled you closer to the table, put his head on your shoulder and began to teach you, showing you, explaining everything. He made his movements in game using his power and you listened bravely and attentively to what he was saying. Although it was quite difficult when sometimes he nuzzled into your neck more, tickling you and distracting you with his warm breath.

That day, despite the obstacles, you learned to play Mahjong.

© noira-l 2024 | all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, modify, or redistirbute my work without permission.

[eyesanddragons]

Albatross, Animus Dragons and Preventable Tragedies

(Also Known as: This tragedy was not inevitable, let's talk about responsibility)

(CWs: Murder, Abuse)

So, Legends Darkstalker as a book has a lot of thoughts about fate and inevitability. Clearsight and Darkstalker try and fail to create an ideal future for the both of them, Fathom is scared that he can't prevent his animus magic from destroying is soul, and the readers know how all of this is going to end since Legends Darkstalker is a prequel to Arc 2.

In the midst of all this talk about inevitability and fate we have...Albatross. Someone who we've known about since Arc 1 and know how his story ends. He causes the Royal Seawing Massacre, his magic allegedly "driving him insane." What's interesting about Albatross is that when you really look at his life, this historical version of it falls short in many ways. The retelling of his life leave out important context, and notably, scrub any idea that someone or multiple someones might have caused him to act like this.

It's Albatross' fault in the end, it's his fault for losing control, his fault for being "insane."

But if we take an actual look at the story in Legends Darkstalker you find that this really isn't the case.

Albatross found out he was an animus in a very...unpleasant way. He enchanted a shell to bite the claws off his sister, Sapphire. This event was deeply traumatic and would stick with Albatross for his entire life. You might be wondering why Albatross didn't fix Sapphire's claws considering his powers and I'll get to one of the reasons in a bit since it's very important to what I'm trying to say, but @/kinkajouwof breaks it down over here.

In short, most likely the reason why Albatross didn't fix it at the start is due to uncertainty if he really Could do it and because Albatross and Sapphire were terrified.

The reason more important to my point though is that Lagoon Actively Benefited from this fear. When Lagoon became Queen she would hold this action over Albatross whenever he was unwilling to do things to guilt him into following what she wanted him to do.

"This is a waste of time, Lagoon," he said. "Nobody ever tested me, but we figured out quickly enough what I could do. If any of them have a shred of power, surely they would of known by now. Or it will become obvious, sooner or later." "I'd prefer sooner," the queen said silkily. "If we find another animus in the tribe, that would make us twice as powerful, which would be quite useful given how the Mudwings and Rainwings have been behaving lately. And the earlier we find her, the sooner you can start to train her, and the sooner I can start to use her." "Besides," she added in a lower voice, so Fathom had to strain to hear her, "I think we would all prefer to discover our next animus in a less...dramatic fashion than you were discovered. Don't you?" Albatross flinched, just slightly. He cast a skeptical eye across the young. "My power is more than enough for whatever you need. I've given you everything you've asked for, haven't I? And I don't want an apprentice."

Afterwards Lagoon commands Albatross to start the test but you can see what I mean. Lagoon actively threatens Albatross and Exploits Him, and wants to find Other Animus Dragons to Exploit. He is not just a Subject to Lagoon, he is an Object to Lagoon. Non-sexual objectification.

She plans to do the same thing to another animus, Lagoon's rule was built on Exploiting the powers of the people she could Control. She wants to find them young so she could mold them into the tools she wanted them to be earlier. She wants to condition them to treat themselves as objects Now.

This treatment comes to a head during the banquet. Where Lagoon once again holds what happened to Sapphire over his head, while also threatening to Replace Him.

"Here is our first animus," Queen Lagoon said to the Skywings, who seemed to have figured that out themselves, judging by the looks of terror on their faces. "My brother, Albatross. We were just talking this morning about what his next project should be. I'm thinking big this time. Something that makes me invulnerable, perhaps. Or something that kills any dragon who might be a threat to me." Beyond Albatross, over the couches, Splash stiffened, and Fathom saw her crush one of the hibiscus blossoms between her claws. He glanced around and saw his father put a wing around Manta, who had gone pale. "Yes," Albatross said. "Although you recall I wasn't exactly enthused about any of those ideas." "Then it's lucky you're not my only animus dragon," Queen Lagoon said coldly. Fathom felt a shiver all the way down to the tip of his tail. If she asked him to do a spell like that, would he? Would he obey his queen and put his own mother in danger? Or disobey her, and perhaps put everyone he cared about in even worse danger? What would she do to Indigo If I ever said no to her? Albatross stopped right in front of the queen, snout-to-snout with her. Fathom couldn't read his face. He looked as though he'd been carved from stone, any emotions chipped away. "Do you think you're done?" Queen Lagoon said to him softly. "Do you think you'll ever be done atoning for what you did to Sapphire? It's not going to end Albatross. You'll always be mine."

This is a bit of a blunder on Lagoon's part since Albatross Kills her! She's revealed that she is Never going to let him go, that no matter how hard he works he's never going to escape. No matter what he does he will be an Object to her. Fight, Flight or Freeze, stay here and be worked to death killing hundreds of people or Escape Now.

And Albatross...chose Fight.

Note that Albatross literally says right here that he doesn't Want to make Lagoon Invulnerable, he doesn't Want to give her the power to kill people.

When he starts killing other people it's not because he became ax-crazy. He killed the Queen, no matter how horrible and cruel she was their all going to defend her...and they've never thought about him. They've never cared for him. To them he was also an Object.

So...he kills them too.

Now I'm not saying He should of killed all those people, murder is bad actually. But this is a Consequence of Lagoon and the rest of Seawing society's actions. This is the direct, real, bloody consequence of treating a person like an object designed to serve their every whim.

This wasn't something he was doomed to be, this is something that has a tangible cause and effect. The system and the way it treated him is What Caused This.

Except, none of the Seawings who survived Want to face that. They don't Want to accept responsibility for that. Why should they accept the responsibility and guilt of having lead one of their own to believe that murder was the only way to escape a truly horrific and abusive situation...when they have a perfectly convenient scapegoat. Remember...Albatross is an object. Lagoon died, not because she perpetuating a horrible abusive situation that her society allowed her to do due to the absolute power she was given, but because she handled Albatross Improperly. Animus magic is just a dangerous thing, and the people who can use it are dangerous tools. This isn't Their Fault for treating a person like an object, it's the fault of improper usage of a tool.

It's a more convenient story for everyone...except for Fathom who proceeds to be treated horribly and drown himself in guilt and shame for being Dangerous.

Seawing Society caused something horrible and instead of trying to fix it, turned their backs and pretended they did nothing wrong. When we see Anemone their doing the Exact Same Thing to her. She is an object, a weapon of war, and she will be treated as such. Anemone believes she's doomed to become evil and almost Kills her family out of the belief that she is doomed to become a mass murderer.

Albatross' Massacre was preventable, and that's what makes it tragic.

[highladyjane]

The assault at Sangravah happened in early ACOMAF (before Elain's existence even came into picture for Azriel - 3 days before he even got to meet Feyre)... So I don't get how G and Az are supposed to be mates when he's had all that time to feel something?

There's the parallel of Rhys' father feeling his mating bond snap into place the moment he met his mother being assaulted.

"One look at her, and he knew what she was..." (ACOMAF, ch. 16)

Or Rhys himself feeling the bond when Feyre was being tortured by Amarantha...

"And I knew as I picked up that knife to kill her... I knew right then what you were. I knew right then that you were my mate." (ACOMAF, ch. 54)

Or Cassian simply meeting Nesta. "Say what I've guessed from the moment we met" he breathed. What I knew from the first time I kissed you. What became unbreakable between us on Solstice night." (ACOSF, ch. 62)

Bonus from Nesta: “‘From the moment I met you, I wanted you more than reason. From the moment I saw you in my house, you were all I could think about. And it terrified me. No one had ever held such power over me."

Or even Lucien after Elain was Made and maybe even while being thrown into the Cauldron... I don't even need a quote for them, but even Lucien knew and has tried seeking Elain out after the incident.

It's stated in the books and shown again and again that it's the males who are deeply affected by the mating bond. That they can know from the moment they meet. They all in one way or another sought after the females. Even Nesta and Feyre felt something before they knew or opened themselves up to it. And since they all met - They. Couldn't. Stay. Away.

But there's like... no hint of it from Az after stumbling upon G? Like he just literally stumbles upon her - never actually even actively seeking her out through all those years? He hasn't even actively tried to stay away? He's just... *crickets*

It's been Gwyn making noises and attracting his attention through all their scenes together. It was Gwyn asking for dagger lessons. It was 'Gwyn' making Az the new ribbon (whatever that means). And it's Az's shadows reacting to Gwyn, not Az himself. But there's no real hint that Gwyn feels anything romantic for him. There's barely any interactions between them without linking it to her assault in Sangravah and her growth from it.

Besides Az's shadows reacting to G, and that ribbon moment that everyone deems so pivotal when Az realises what it means for the Valkyries (that he's had a hand in training) and maybe even reflects upon Gwyn's character development and therefore what the ribbon means for Gwyn - which made me feel proud too, and that's how I interpreted it - but I can't see an undeniable sign of it being a mating bond anywhere.

I thought at first that mayhaps he was giving her space because of the assault, but then the BC came and he went "It was too late to bank without appearing like he was running," and then "He wouldn't go so far as to call Gwyn a friend,". (ACOSF, Azriel's Bonus Chapter)

Let's not even mention the part where Gwyn was actually in danger (no matter how capable she was at that point), while Cassian was going ballistic at Nesta being in danger, but Az is all like "Let's go save Eris". Eris who both he and Cassian hates. Eris who Az himself nearly killed during the HLs' pre-war meeting (before he exhibited actual mate behaviour and sought and risked his life to save Elain who's not even his mate). But no, he gave just as much or even less action and reaction about Gwyn as Tamlin gave when Feyre was UTM.

And I was like...

How are they mates? Where's the mate behaviour every male - mated or not - in Prythian has exhibited throughout the books? Why did I keep seeing things about them being mates and endgame?

The only hint between them that I could even begin to consider it from is the second to last sentence in Az's BC.

"But Azriel tucked away the thought, consciously erasing the slight smile it brought to his face. Buried the image down deep, where it glowed quietly."

But I basically have the same interpretation about that as this post from @merymoonbeam. (Although I'm still neutral about the lightsinger theory, it's the most interesting take.)

Because again.

Why hasn't Azriel felt/shown anything or actively sought her out or even actively stayed away if he's known Gwyn since Sangravah?

If they're mates, shouldn't he have felt and shown something - like that glow - and Gwyn be the one to snap him out of his 'love' for Mor before he even had the chance to meet Elain? If he's just lonely and jealous of his brothers having mates then... Why has he barely noticed or sought out Gwyn who's supposed to be his mate?

What, he had to wait until his shadows reacted to her to even think about her?

I'm not an expert at analysing things - I wouldn't even say I'm good at interpreting things especially when I've got my rose-tinted glasses on, so/but I'm always open to being wrong and changing my mind accordingly.

But/so convince me with actual canon and not just your biased opinions, delusions, self-insertions, or ships.

[weebsinstash]

Is Lucifer capable of topping?

Let’s discuss- 🤔💭

I feel like he's EXTREMELY capable of topping and he's also a switch imo. You can have ur angel OR ur devil. You can scoop him up and he'll be all giddy if you like, be the big spoon or manhandle him or dom him a little, he's all weak in the knees BUT he can also totally do all the same to you, seduce you, hold and cuddle YOU, and like... he IS a grown man, a husband, and a dad 👀 he has all that experience in caregiving and other... husbandly activities

As a side note I've never mentioned this before but Vivzie has mentioned in the past that Lilith and Lucifer have a great marriage and love each other so like, imagine she's up in Heaven as a deal and actually she hates that bullshit and would come back the second she could and she comes down and before she can get 5 words in,, YOU march up, "you've got a lot of explaining to do!! Do you have any idea how many times I've had to watch Charlie leave messages for an answering service and how DEPRESSED Lucifer has been?!?! Look at him, you didn't even CALL?!" And you're super indignant and outraged and ,acting like you might even fight her even though you would lose HORRENDOUSLY, and Lilith just :3 looks to Lucifer "oh my gosh they're so CUTE, who IS this" and just. Turns to you. "Thank you for helping look after my daughter and my silly husband" and leaves a big black lipstick kiss on your cheek, like... honey i'd be gone 😳🥴 catch me later that night helping make Charlie a sibling--

Also. I thought of this once but. Consider: you can't get pregnant as a Sinner but you're trapped in the LiliLuci Hell polycule threesome and they're just like "wait what if... you were like a surrogate using Lilliths eggs or something" and that works so like IT'S KINDA LIKE THEY B O T H GOT YOU PREGNANT RIGHT?

But. I was thinking, oblivious Reader keeps swerving Lucifer every time he tries to come onto you, and eventually he overhears you talking to Angel, something to the effect of "what? Pff, guys don't look at me that way, I'm like, icky! Don't be dumb" And suddenly Lucifer is all but racing across the room, "oh, so THAT'S it? You just don't see yourself as a woman?" and like yes, he's partially correct, but in his head, this is 300% the entire reason you're swerving him at all. he basically just goes into "well in that case :3c" mode and just

Could you imagine he just. Does a little, shall we say, devilry where he just snaps his fingers and suddenly you're in his bedroom just sitting on his bed and you're still like "oh hey dude um what this is weird haha" and he just starts. Disrobing. Just making eye contact with you and taking off his clothing one article at a time and it takes him taking off his shirt and being bare chested before starting on his pants before you're finally like OH UM OH GOSH UM 😳😳😳😳 SIR??? I didnt mean to, to like, lead you on, if, if that's what I did, and--" but like... at this point... he basically just sees you as a blushing bride on her wedding night who's only reluctant because she's scared. He goes from flirting with you to "oh, you're inexperienced and didn't realize my intentions all this time? OK I'll just take full control and just demonstrate for you :)"

People who aren't cowards realize the shape-shifting abilities mean this man could knot you, use tentacles, do just about whatever, and that's the facts. is there a limit on the shape-shifting like a time duration because otherwise why wouldn't he just shape-shift taller.

Lately I've really been on the concept of "what if you wind up sleeping in the same bed with a yandere/they crawl into yours and it turns out they sleep partially or fully naked and are just Doing That Shit, Potentially Even While Cuddling You". Like. You wake up and you're actually suepr warm and cozy which is weird because you usually fall asleep kinda chilly and, you just. Take a second to process that more blankets were thrown over you during sleep, Lucifer is asleep beside you potentially even cuddling into your tummy or aomething, and, oh yeah, you're both down to your underwear. You, understandably, get startled and confused and he's just casually like "well I uh,,,, came in to check on you since you said you sleep kinda poorly and, it was so cold in here ya know, and, you were tossing and turning a lot so I thought, hey, maybe give some company and this is how ->I<- sleep, so". Like he just thinks nothing of it. You could be waking up to see a sea of blonde hair nestled between your titties and he's just like blinking awake and grinning up at you all "good morning ^^" as if he totally wasn't just.... lulled to sleep on your chest listening to the sound of your heartbeat (and was potentially woken up by your pulse changing as you woke up and started freaking out)

I just. I can see him being so goofy and cuddly and then when he needs to put his foot down, it gets put DOWN. He'll get rid of any non-Hotel friends or potential rivals he doesn't approve you spending time with, he'll have word spread that you're under his protection, Hell he may even completely go over your head and do some shit like... remember in the finale where it was showing like the Vees little pinboard of all their enemies and it showed a magazine of Lucifer. Imagine he just slips on an interview having a new fiance or spouse or something and just pulls a photo of you up off his phone or even OUT OF HIS WALLET and you see this shit on TV like WHAT IS HAPPENING

I think... one of the juiciest parts is... the concept and mental battle of never knowing if he's doing certain things to you intentionally or accidentally. Like he may be saying to your face "oh my gosh sweetie I, I had no idea that would upset you 🥺🥺🥺" but then the second he walks away and he's alone he's like having his evil supervillain moment, sitting in a recliner with a wineglass of Beel Juice staring at, basically an ALTAR to you, "yes.... it's all going to plan.... now there's nowhere in the city they can run off to without me knowing... Isnt that right sweetie???" *looks directly at his duck replica of you he made to talk to when you're not around and he gets lonely*

[bronzeageyuri]

Today marks three years of Dianthus existing! I made my first concept sketches for her on 11/20/23 💖 this also means it's been three years of Diathesterius! I sometimes use the date I uploaded Dia to toyhouse, the 21st, as the anniversary date just in case I'm late... but I managed to finish colouring this <3 I had actually wanted to do something for this earlier in the month, I even made some very elaborate plans for it... but it ended up not happening! Which is okay 💞 but I still wanted to draw a little wedding piece... so I did! I'll make something fancier when I have more time later on... 💝 I used my own handwriting here for authenticity, but at some point... I'd like to be able to rewrite in Greek for More authenticity <3 Uncropped version (and long rambling post) under the cut 💕 I get a little Vulnerable so don't read it if you're gonna be mean or else I'll like Get You or something

I've made posts in the past talking about why Theseus and Asterius mean so much to me, but I don't think I've made one on why Dianthus herself means so much to me.. so for her own third year anniversary, I'll do that here! before I begin...! the fruit in dia's hair here are from the strawberry tree, arbutus unedo. I associate the tree and its fruit with Theseus but... it's honestly been so long, I don't remember exactly why! Just that, for some reason, I imagine thathis childhood home had a tree of these fruit blossoming just outside his mother's room, and thus he has fond memories of it. Lady Dianthus... she who loves all things pink, actively hates celery, and still has a job at the library despite being so fogetful and clumsy... she who met Theseus and immediately became obsessed because it was the first interesting thing to happen to her- not a parent or someone she's close to, but herself! her first time feeling as if she had a true purpose. She who didn't understand Theseus' obsession with Asterius until meeting he Minotaur, and promptly decided "he's not scary? he's not scary at all! he's just a cow!" I've made sona and the likes before Dia of course, but she was the first in a long time who was truly meant to resemble me in all ways (except for the setting, of course...). I made her design simple so I would easily be able to redraw her, and gave her one of my favourite palettes pink and green and cream and gold. At first I really didn't expect to get that attached to her... I went months without drawing her after her initial creation. but the more I drew her the more I realized how much fun I was having with her...! It's funny looking back on it... originally I had a much more comedic idea for her story, and di not intend to ship her with Theseus in any serious way. It was going to be a completely one-sided love (with Dianthus taking the role of "crazed fangirl" - which she still is, in a way). I'm sure it isn't a surprise but it didn't take me long at all to start drawing ship art of them, creating artworks and writing of Theseus and Asterius was a self indulgent joy for me, so why not selfship art too? I ended up invested, of course. Using Dia I put a lot of my own feelings into a story; a sense of otherness, her loneliness, feeling lost and out of place. I had removed it later on because I felt uneasy with how vulnerable it was, but at one put I had placed one of the most traumatic events of my life into Dia's story- sometimes I think about adding it back, because I know giving her an oppurtunity to open up about it with her beloveds would be something beneficial to Me irl(!). But that's besides the point here... she's a stubborn girl, sweet but arrogant is my usual go-to descriptor for her; that's how I think of myself too, just based on what I've been told (I have a hard time thinking of myself as nice, though others always say so to me...). That may be part of why I tend to look for those features in (fictional!) lovers... something feels good to me about being able to butt heads due to this shared traits, but still coming together and making amends despite it. I do think it's a little funny that the sonas I've gotten the most attached to so far- Dianthus, and now Nerine- have some sort of theme of death with them. Dianthus is literally a ghost, and Nerine is metaphorically one (and maybe liteally, if I ever make up my mind...). Maybe that's just fitting for me, though... hmm... I'm not sure what else I want to say here... I think of Dianthus as "Me but in Hades Game / Ancient Greek context." Of course some events that happen in her life didn't happen to me, or, sometimes, I dramatize it (Dia's mother leaving her and her father to become the wife of a god was inspired by the fact that for the first few yers of my life, my parents were separated... but they always had a positive relationship with one another! Unlike Dia's parents), but she's become a big par

t of me all the same. Just as I am happy and hoping to spend many more years with Theseus and Asterius, I hope to spend many more years with her as well. i think that's all I'll write for now <3 if you read this thank you for being curious enough about me to be interested in all this 😭

btw, here's the first ever post of her... (yes thats my priv </3 i briefly unlocked it to search for this... don't try and follow me over there though it's crazy over there)

[sirenjose]

So I've been really into your analysis lately and I'm a huge fan now, wanted to ask some questions, feel free to not answer any

1- what was your favourite idv story/event to analyze?

2- your least fav of the latter?

3- are you into anything else besides idv?

4-how do you find the motivation to analyze stuff? I've tried before and it was very draining :')

Thanks for your time, hope you have a lovely day

I'm very happy to hear you're enjoying yourself despite my own low opinion about much of what I put out. I'll do my best to answer!

Hmm I always dislike picking favorites because I'm bad at picking eheh... But the ones I liked most... I honestly enjoy T&I and COA (1-5) even more than the main story. So I think I might pick... Atropos' Ropes for T&I and for COA, thats harder... 3-5 are my faves but I might pick 4 just because of how it felt it had the most story/details given than all the rest. Even the *SONG* had story. I loved it.

Least fave, eh... Orfeo and Zinaida immediately come to mind, though Orfeo I'd say was worse... COA 1 is another primarily because of how DIFFICULT it was for me to figure it out enough to put together an analysis. And I had to rewrite that thing at LEAST 3 times to the point I'm just hoping it's good enough and leaving it alone. Time of Reunion I think is another that comes to mind, mainly because I didn't appreciate how they treated Norton in there, especially in the videos (but at least those aren't canon like the in-game event was). So based on all that, I might say Orfeo if I really had to pick 1. Then rank ToR 2nd and Zinaida/COA1 3rd.

FF14 and Honkai Star Rail especially I'm playing actively these days, but I honestly like a lot of stuff. Like Persona (espeially 4), 999 aka Zero Escape, and Star Ocean Til the End of Time. Least in terms of games.

Hmm... Maybe because the 1st reason I play a game is because of the story, and gameplay is always 2nd to me. If the story and characters are good, that gets me interested. Issue with IDV is we only get bits and pieces. Really need to look deeper to really understand some of the characters. I actually only started analyzing because I challenged myself (partially out of curiosity for the answer) to see if I could prove if Norton wasn't as evil as people thought (based on all the comments I saw when I 1st joined the fandom a long while ago). From there, there was Jose who I wanted to analyze because he honestly had so many plot holes I couldn't (and still can't completely) solve. So I get the most enjoyment analyzing something that doesn't have a clear answer. Which is why I don't always post for every letter. A big part of it is I enjoy history and culture and such, so it's fun for me to learn about different foods, or time periods, or how bad the environment was for miners or sailors back in the day, etc... I dont think I have an easy answer (I can see I'm rambling). Norton I actually only began to like because I was spending so long working on my 1st analysis for him (and my perfectionism made me analyze all of Norton's essences before i could call it finished). Jose was because I love Captain Hook, and then after because of the plot holes that bothered me. Then for others, I think I enjoy making analyses to... try to sometimes change people's opinoions/beliefs. Like with Margaretha or Vera. With Edgar was because I was more interested in his story and him as a character only once I put together all his lore. Sort of goes on from there. I could ramble on but I'm going to get even more guilty. I hope this helps somewhat, but let me know if it doesn't and I'll keep going. Maybe the simple is A) I like history/culture/research, B) I like to convince people that certain characters arent as evil as they think or change beliefs I think aren't quite accurate, C) I like solving puzzles and I love story, D) I already think too hard about literally everything, and combined with my perfectionism, we get analysis

[peepism]

Number | Levi Ackerman

modern AU! Levi sees you standing in line with your friends waiting to order some food, he strikes up a conversation in hopes to getting your number. Some swearing, obviously. (Levi is also around the same age, not much of an age gap)

wc: 1,369

The streets of Maria were full of loud bustling this particular evening, with children screaming in joy while continuously going up and down play structures at the local park, people selling their products at the market, and various activities being held.

Everyone was outside, including the college students whom usually would've stayed in their dorms studying for their year end exams.

"I SAY WE GO GET SOME ICE CREAM!" Sasha randomly chimed in, bringing your focus to your large group of friends, that was one way to break your train of thought.

"I agree, the sun is out and everyone is enjoying their time. Surely it won't hurt to get some sweets in our stomachs." Historia- better known as Krista added, her sweet smile making anyone want to agree.

You trailed behind them, keeping your mouth shut just out of habit, occasionally pulling out your phone to check if you had gotten any messages from anyone. It wasn't that you weren't interested in being out spending time with them, not at all, it was just your anxiety from being out in the open and also thinking about how much studying you'll need to cram. Especially your psychology, that class had no breaks what so ever and the content was heavy. "Y/n, you alright?" A small voice beside your whispered, causing a small jump from you. "I'm fine Mikasa."

"Y/n/n.. be honest. Usually you're being loud and obnoxious right now with everyone else. What's going on?" She pestered more, her grey eyes practically piercing into your soul.

– I suppose I'm just a bit stressed, is all.

– About what? You know you can talk to me, it's not like I'll tell the others.

– It's just the studying I need to do, sure, I shouldn't be thinking about it and should be out here enjoying my time with everyone but I just can't. You all know how much I've been struggling lately in Psychology.

– I know, but hey... will those hot guys take your mind off it for even a little while?

Your e/c looked to where she had nudged, a small mischievous smile trying it's best to not appear on your lips, knowing full well she would have proved her point if you allowed her to see it. This caused stifled laughter from the both of you, making everyone else turn around in curiosity, demanding and begging for you both to reveal the secret but to no avail.

"Seriously, what is it Mikasa?" An angry Eren continued, bugging the poor girl. It was incredibly obvious they both fancied one another. You just couldn't stand the bickering, which lead you to pushing past them up to the front so you could order your ice cream.

Unbeknownst to you, Levi Ackerman had walked up having spotted his sister and Eren. Questioning them on what they were up to and vice versa, until his eyes had landed on you.

His slender fingers grabbed Mikasa's arm, wanting her to pay close attention to what he had to say. It was a weird habit of his he had, he also wasn't the most gentle with his grip either. "Who's that?" His eyes squinted, his head giving a curt nod in your direction.

– That's Y/n L/n. A friend of mine, clearly.

– No shit, fuckface. Clearly she's a friend of yours. Is she single?

– Why do you want to know? She's too young for you, besides. Why would I want you dating a good friend of mine. It's weird.

– "I'm not even that fucking old?" Levi scowled, his forehead creasing at the small digs his younger sibling kept giving him.

"Whatever Levi, do what you want. However it doesn't mean I'll be happy with you." She finally warned, giving the short man a little shove towards you who had begun ordering their ice cream.

Now that his mood had been ruined, he grumpily made his way towards, brushing himself off from every inch.

As you began to laugh from something Connie had said, his heart began to skip. Cheezie of him to think, but your laugh truly was the most adorable thing he had ever heard in his life. It up lifted his mood faster than light.

With one last final mental pep talk, he excused himself from cutting in front of the large friend group, making quick conversation with a few and butting into yours in particular.

"I'm so glad most guys don't ask for numbers. I don't think I'd know how to react. It's a bit awkward now a days to ask for a number. The sucky part about it is, if he doesn't ask for your number then you automatically know he doesn't want anything serious, and I'm just not that type of person. Ya know?" You had been talking, answering a silly question that Ymir had asked once she saw the amount of guys that had been taking quick glances at you.

When Ymir noticed Levi standing behind you, a shit eating smirk adorned her face, arms folding over her chest and her finger giving a quick point.

"What?" Your face furrowed in confusion, whipping around to come face to face with the attractive man. The blood that rushed to your face out of embarrassment was unmatched. "Oh fuck, hello!"

– "Hello." He chuckled quickly adding on to have a conversation with you. "I'm Levi, Mikasa's brother. I figured I'd do my rounds introducing myself to everyone. Not that I planned on it. I just saw her with you guys and thought I'd come say hello. Everyone was around when I spoke to her except you two. Didn't want to leave you guys out."

– "Mhm. Is that so?"

An amused look shone in your eyes, a small giggle wanting to force its way out of your throat. He was a bit awkward with it, yet it was cute in it's on way.

– Indeed. Might I catch your name?

– Y/n L/n. Everyone calls me Y/n/n though.

– Noted. So tell me about yourself?

– Well, I'm a (Your major) student. I plan on becoming a (profession).

– Interesting, I'm studying to become a lawyer. So far I have two years of studying left. I wish you luck in yours.

– Must be hard, but yes, you as well! It was nice meeting you!

– It was nice meeting you as well Y/n.

You were practically melting inside, your attention completely on him as he had slowly began to walk away. Yumir was the one who pointed out your ice cream had been dripping down your hand to your arm from not having eaten any yet from being in la la land with Levi.

This caused you to frantically grab napkins and clean yourself up, your friends giggling at you. When you were suddenly being helped by another pair of hands, a pair you recognized but didn't at the same time until your gaze shifted up. Nose inches away from Levi's.

"By the way. I forgot to ask. Can I get your number?" His steel eyes glimmered, knowing full well you weren't going to say no.

"Depends. How old are you?" You shot back now being all cleaned up with his help, heart absolutely feeling as though it was going to jump out of your chest.

"I'm twenty-three. You?"

"Nineteen. Too young?"

"Pushing it."

A row of giggles spewed out, not being able to be held down any longer. You had to admit, he was pretty smooth with it, it probably ran in the Ackerman genes. Gingerly you passed him your phone and he added his number in your contacts, fingers brushing up against yours as he handed it back. "Your ice cream, it's melting again.." He droned out, shaking his head to grab some more napkins and help you out. Not leaving until he tucked a strand of h/c behind your ear.

– We thought you said you were glad guys don't ask for numbers, Y/n/n. Everyone in unison laughed

– Oh shut the fuck up, this is an exception.

– An exception who just so happens to be my older brother. Mikasa finally teased.

It was a nice day. Amazing even. A day you'd never regret skipping studying for.

[ateezivy]

the scare of 2021

( 2021 )

warning ! pregnancy scare, obvious mentions of sex, this is not meant to sexualize anyone at all, pregnancy jokes

bold is english

ivy’s periods have always been fairly normal. her periods usually start on the exact day they are expected to, they feel the same, the flow is the same. she’s always been lucky to have a good cycle. that’s why whenever her period is even a day late, it can be concerning.

and this time around, it was no different.

see, mingi and ivy have been pretty sexually active recently. and they are safe, she’s on birth control, condoms, all that jazz. but there’s always that small, small, tiny chance that maybe it won’t work. and not only as a young woman, but an idol at that, it scares the living hell out of her.

that’s why when her period didn’t arrive even after two, three days, she was freaking the fuck out. there would be rare occasions when her period would be a day or maybe even two late, usually during stressful times or her diets. but, she didn’t feel stressed at the moment, she wasn’t on a strict diet. they’re in between schedules right now. is she stressed? when was the last time she ate?

on day one without her period. she freaked for a little, but let it slide, telling herself it will come tomorrow. and then tomorrow came. and nothing. the next morning after that, she rushed to the bathroom and… nothing.

shit.

the first person she could think of was her sister. her pregnant sister. yeah, she will know.

“you have such a stressful job olivia, it’s probably stress” her sister soothes the younger through the phone as her fiancé decorates the babies new room.

“yeah but… we’re in between schedules. and mingi and i haven’t exactly practiced abstinence” she mumbled into her phone, lord know what would happen if someone heard her right now.

“if you’re that concerned, talk to him.” she said like it was the easiest thing in the world to do. sure she told her fiancé, but they weren’t exactly preventing a child at the time either.

“but what if he-“

“he loves you liv, i’ve never seen you guys so happy before. the worst thing that could happen is that you take the test and it’s positive”

“that’s the point unnie! i don’t want a baby!” she whispered-screamed at her sister who chuckled

“i doubt you’re pregnant, trust me, you would know. but if you’re really that concerned, talk. to. him.”

ivy let out a sigh of frustration, “okay” she said with a pout.

“okay, i gotta go, i love you olivia” miya smiles and sing-songs cutely over the phone

“i love you too, bye-bye”

the singer sighed again and hung the phone up. her anxiety was high, which probably wasn't helping the later period... or maybe the ba-

no ivy, stop.

she walked into the living room to see jongho, seonghwa, wooyoung, and mingi on the couch just chillin. her boyfriend gave her an endearing smile, "what're you doing, love?" he asked.

she didn't say anything, instead she panicked. she grabbed jongho, dragging the poor boy off the couch and dragging him to her room and shutting the door. the other three sat there confused but decided to just brush it off. sometimes it's better to not ask questions.

"what the fuck" jongho said as he fixed his hoodie and ivy shut the door.

"my periods late" she blurted

"...okay?" men are so oblivious. the girl looked at him with a look until realization hit him in the face "you think you're pregnant?"

he might as well scream it through a microphone, "will you shut the fuck up?" she threatened and hit his arm. "and i don't know. i'm three days late"

"okay, and you're telling me instead of mingi hyung because...?" he questioned the girls choices in this moment.

"i panicked okay! and besides, you're my go to with secrets. hwa oppa would be the one giving birth if i told him"

"true," jongho nodded "i mean, are you sure jisoo-ah"

"i don't know, we've been fucking a lo-"

"ew, okay, no, shut up" he made a disgusted face and shook that image out of his head "i've heard enough. i think you should just talk to mingi about it and see where you guys wanna go from there"

she knew he was right, she knew her sister was right. but she was mortified of how mingi would react. "okay" she nods and chews her lip.

"i'll go grab him for you" he say walking towards the door.

"now?" she says nervously, she was planning a little later...

"yes now. if you don't speak up now you're going to stall"

why is jongho always right. she nodded again and sat on her bed as he walked out the room. he walked back into the living room where he was previously rudely dragged away from. mingi looked at him with a confused look. "she wants to talk to you" jongho said.

mingi pointed at himself a little anxiously, jongho nodded. seonghwa scrunched his eyebrows and wooyoung jokingly howled 'ooh mingi's in trouble!' seonghwa smacked him though.

"good luck" jongho smiled innocently and patted the tallers shoulder.

"don't say shit like that" he begged before opening the door to ivy's room and closing it after he stepped in. "hey, baby, what's up?"

ivy sat at the edge of her bed, bouncing her leg up and down like crazy. "uhm, so," she didn't want to look at mingi, but he stepped closer. he sat next to her, putting a comforting hand on her thigh, stopping the bouncing. "my periods late"

he instantly understood what she meant. she looked up, seeing his face go pale, "how late?" he questioned her.

"three days..." she spoke with a shaky voice, she sounded like she was going to cry.

"okay," he was freaking out inside, he didn't to scare her anymore than she already was. "call your sister, see if they can go out and buy some tests. we have to tell at least hongjoong"

of course. the leader. she nodded in agreement, if they were experiencing this their family deserves to know. "okay"

ivy called miya back asking for a test, her sister said she would send her fiance out to get them. until then, they decided to tell the others. well, ivy more of blurted it out.

they walked out of the bedroom after she got off the phone and now everyone was home all of a sudden, perfect, as if she didn't feel claustrophobic as it was. "are you okay jisoo-ah?" hongjoong asked, she felt like she was gonna be sick. looked it too

"yeah sh-"

"i think i'm pregnant." she cut her boyfriend off, shocking everyone in the room. everyone's eyes were wide, jaws dropped, bodies frozen.

"i- uh, did you take a test" the leader asked, placing a hand on the counter for leverage. the girl started to tear up as she looked up at mingi, if she spoke up she would bawl.

"her sister's fiance is bringing them" the taller clarified.

seonghwa and wooyoung walked over to ivy, embracing her as she stared at the ground, almost in shame. san walked over and spoke softly to her as mingi receive a glare from hongjoong.

"a word?" hongjoong asked mingi and guided him to his room. yunho knew it was bad timing, but he chuckled a little. not over the fact that ivy was possibly pregnant, but that mingi was getting a tern talking to about possibly getting ivy pregnant. yeosang had to turn away to hide his own chuckles.

seonghwa shoots them threatening eyes telling them to stop as ivy cried in his arms. "where's min" she asked, she zoned out long enough to not notice his sudden disappearance.

"he's with hongjoong" san said softly with a smile, "let's get you hydrated."

"it's a two person tango" mingi defended as his leader scolded him.

"you two should be more careful!" he insisted. he was worried about both of them, and surely at some point he would lecture the both of them about these scares. but ivy seemed to be taking it worse than mingi at the moment. or maybe mingi is just hiding it, maybe he needs to vomit.

"we are! there's still always at least one percent chance-"

a knock on the door interrupted the two, "hey, baby daddy, you're needed in the bathroom"

mingi opened the door to see a giggling wooyoung, "go to hell, wooyoung"

"already there" the shorter announced proudly and watched mingi knock on the bathroom door before entering. hongjoong smacked the cheeky member upside the head before passing him.

"now we wait" jongho sighed and leaned against the wall.

"you know, i wouldn't be too mad about a little mingi or ivy running around" wooyoung smiled to himself, san nodded silently in agreement, i mean it couldn't be that bad?

"you're going to lose speaking privileges" seonghwa raised an eyebrow and hongjoong rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen.

five minutes suddenly felt like five hours. mingi and ivy sat on the bathroom floor as their members sit on the floor outside the bathroom. they all wait anxiously, tapping their toes or fingers, snapping, humming, checking the time. how long was this gonna take?

jongho let out a sigh right before the bathroom door swung open, they all stood up immediately, ivy stood in the doorway with her hands behind her back and an unreadable look plastered on her face. everyone felt their hearts drop a little, thinking what anyone would.

"i'm not pregnant!" she shouted proudly, holding up the three tests she took. mingi laughed from behind her as everyone let out a breath they didn't know they were holding.

"thank god" hongjoong sighed.

"i know now's not the time, but whenever you guys are ready, i want to be an uncle"

"shut up wooyoung."

taglist: @atolua @skzfairies @itzy-eve @cixrosie @stopeatread @alixnsuperstxr @smh-anon @txt-yaomi @starmaniic

[randomtacoscry]

WIP Wednesday!

We're back! (sort of) This is the first thing I've written in a minute and is also the first smutty thing I've attempted so yeah... I am good with constructive criticisms and tips though if you have any <3 thanks! Specs: Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw/Jake "Hangman" Seresin Word Count: 2,636 Bradley's POV: Narrative/3rd Person Warnings: Sexual Content, Implied Drunk Sex Fic after break:

God he needs a drink. 

Bradley strolls over to the bar, asking for a shot of whatever’s strong so he can begin to feel the lights blur a bit. He should probably loosen up if he’s going to try and pick up someone. 

Bradley came late, which means all of his fellow pilots and their WSOs have been here for a few, already drinking and talking. Bradley doesn’t really care about that though considering he gets by on being cordial and playing a few hits on the piano every once in a blue moon. His only friend he cares about is Nat, who he is currently scanning the room for but is unable to find. His eyes flick over to that pilot- that golden boy, preppy-ass, southern belle, grade-A asshole pilot. And he looks good- of course. Bradley rolls his eyes to himself because the fucking guy could wear ribbed jeans and a ratted tee and still look like a goddamn model, but tonight, as per usual, the man’s wearing his service khakis, which are also known as the sluttiest uniform in the Navy. Of course Bradley isn’t the only one looking to get lucky tonight- it’s just now, Bradley is going to have to actively ignore the other man for reasons he isn’t quite willing to disclose to himself tonight. Bradley practically hates the guy, so a stupid, reluctant attraction to him isn’t exactly the best thing to have on top of work and his romantic life. God, he just needs to get laid already.

“You’re pathetic.” He hears the familiar voice of his friend as she saddles up beside him, leaning her arms on the bar. Bradley looks over to her confused- and well, slightly insulted- and she smirks to herself. “Why don’t you stop eyefucking Seresin and either make a move, or go pick up one of those all-american, worships-the-ground-you-walk-on girls?” Bradley would cover her mouth when she’s yelling about Bradley’s eyefucking (totally inaccurately, he tells himself) if he didn’t know she would break his wrist if he tried. So, instead, he just widens his eyes and leans closer to her.

“I’m not-” He huffs out a breath before lowering his voice to continue, “eyefucking him.” She looks at him knowingly as Bradley keeps talking. “I was looking for you.”

“Right, right. Of course.” Natasha’s voice is sarcastically stoic and Bradley can’t help but give her a ‘seriously?’ face back. She smiles before turning back to the bar. “That girl looks nice.” Bradley follows her eyes to a brunette ordering a drink at the bar. She’s smiling and laughing with the bartender and Bradley notices her friend walk up behind her. She does look nice.

“Okay, she does.” Bradley turns to Nat nodding and she nudges him with a smirk.

“Look’s like her friend’s playing wingwoman,” Bradley looks over to see the brunette’s friend nodding in his direction and she looks directly at him. “Go on.” Nat nudges him again and Bradley makes his way over to the bar. 

“Hey.” He ducks his head before leaning on the bar and the girl turns her head to fully look at him.

“Hi,” She smiles before holding out her hand and Bradley can hear a hint of a southern accent, “I’m Dani.” He meets her shake before she continues, “Well, Danielle, but most people call me Dani.” Her sweet smile and genuine laugh is somewhat refreshing to the girls he normally meets at the bars. He also notes that her friend has slowly shifted away from their conversation, letting them talk.

“Bradley, nice to meet you.”

“So, what brings you here tonight Bradley?” Her southern accent is familiar, sort of reminds him of the way his mom would talk, but Bradley shifts his thoughts away from that point. 

“Night off.” She tilts her head curious and Bradley knows his answer is going to change things already. “Navy, pilot.” 

“You’re not in uniform…” She says it teasingly but the accent now reminds her of another pilot- one he definitely does not want to think of right now.

“Well, some of us like to wear our civvies on our days off.” She smiles before biting her bottom lip and Bradley can see the Navy-speak clearly had its intended effect. He isn’t looking for a relationship, just a hook-up so it’s good if she’s just seeing Bradley for the Navy brawn he is. 

“So, you gonna buy me a drink? Or is chivalry dead already?” He laughs before calling for the bartender and she finishes off the beer in her hands.

/

A half hour later, the lights are a lot more hazy and “Dani” has gotten a lot more drunk than Bradley thought she would. Good news is, she’s a fun drunk. Bad news, she’s also incredibly loud and Bradley can’t say he’s loving it. 

“Hey,” Bradley turns away from Dani at the bar to see Nat behind him, “hey!” 

“Yeah?” Nat cups her hands around her mouth and leans up to Bradley’s ear.

“I’m heading out!” Bradley nods and she leans back up to him, “I’ll see you!” She steps back and Bradley waves her goodbye before watching her head over to Hangman, who is clearly making eyes at a girl at the bar, and Coyote. They exchange a couple of words before Nat wraps her arm around Javy’s shoulders and they make their way out of the bar- guess she got a ride.

“I like you!” Dani turns towards Bradley and places her arms on his shoulders pulling him closer.

“Do you?” He teases, smiling at her (god she’s really drunk).

“Bradshaw!” He hears a familiar voice echo through the bar and Bradley almost wants to run out. He looks over to the origin to find a smug Hangman staring right at him and can suddenly feel the alcohol starting to hit him with a heat wave. “Shots!” The man points a finger right at him and Bradley can feel the bar’s patrons turn to look at him. He turns away with a smirk before finding Jake right next to him.

“I don’t think so.” Bradley sees Hangman’s eyes lock with his and can practically feel them turn competitive. 

“What? He smirks before continuing, “You scared?” A sharp smile paints his face as he challenges Bradley and he can’t help trying to play nonchalant- it’s how he was raised, and no hotshot pilot was going to make him doubt his drinking abilities.

“You wish.” Bradley can’t help but scoff at the other man because he’s so damn good at getting on his last nerves. Bradley almost wants to beat him at a drinking competition just to humble his egotistical ass.

“Just do it!” And before Bradley knows it, Dani’s shoving them chest-to-chest and telling him to win- and well, Bradley? He’s not one to back down from a challenge.

//

Bradley hears his alarm muffled first thing when he wakes up. He feels his sheets being warmer than usual and smells a lighter, woodier scent. Bradley leans over to his bedside table to shut off the alarm before realizing it’s not there. He follows the sound to the ground to see a pair of jeans wrinkled with-

“Shut it off!” Bradley jerks to hear a voice behind him leans over the bed to get hold of the phone. “Off!” Bradley can’t help rolling his eyes at whoever’s in the bed with him as he clicks the snooze.

Wait.

Someone is with him. Like, in his bed.

Bradley quickly leans up and turns to find a familiar blond looking at him confused and Bradley wants to punch himself for getting so drunk last night. A few hazy memories bubble up to the surface and Bradley can see flashes of a shitty bottle of vodka and Hangman panting with his head thrown back in pleasure. 

Bradley quickly shifts his mind to the fact that he has the world’s worst hangover right now. “What the fuck happened?” He curses his voice for being so groggy and rubs his hand down his face to wake up.

“Um,” Hangman hesitates so Bradley immediately gets nervous for the next words that come out of his mouth, “Are you wearing any clothes?” Bradley notices that he is completely naked under the sheets and his mind jumps back to the image of Hangman; back arched, underneath Bradley, eyes fluttering- nope. Bradley’s not going to think about that, not at all. Not just because it goes against everything Bradley has told himself in regards to Hangman, but also because it’s somewhat disrespectful to remember someone in a position that they likely didn’t approve of or remember. 

Bradley mutters a “Nope.” under his breath and the regrets of last night begin hitting him hard. At least it’s their day off but seriously, the hangover’s a major bitch already. Bradley notices Hangman shift in his periphery before turning to look over at him.

“Well, I’m gonna get dressed.” Any shock on the man’s face is long gone, like he’s already come to terms with everything, and he flips his legs off the bed before shoving the comforter back.

“C’mon man,” Bradley quickly shifts his gaze away from Hangman as he stands up to walk around the bed.

“What, like you’ve never seen me naked?” Bradley can’t bring himself to look at the man in front of him but hears him make his way out of the room, picking up his clothes around Bradley’s assignment.

Bradley takes a deep breath in and out before deciding to get up. Placing on a pair of gray sweats, Bradley walks out of the room to find Hangman sitting at the counter, plugging in his phone.

“Hey.” Bradley makes his way into the kitchen and Jake turns to look up at him.

“Hey.” The response is somehow sarcastic but frankly, Bradley’s too tired to roll his eyes at Hangman right now. 

“Coffee?” Bradley turns to start the stove and places the kettle on the burner. He turns his back to the counter and sees Hangman making his way around the island and in front of Bradley.

 “Sure.” Bradley nods in acknowledgement before turning to grab two mugs and placing them on the counter. He’s honestly just trying to figure out a way to bring up what happened last night without it being awkward between the two of them. Honestly, Bradley didn’t even know Jake swung that way so that was enough shock in itself (let alone hooking up with him in his own assignment). 

Bradley turns back around to see Hangman leaning against the counter across from him, arms crossed, just watching him put instant coffee in their mugs. He matches the other pilot’s pose, placing his hands on the counter behind him, and takes a breath. “About,” Bradley sighs again and is beginning to wonder why this is so damn difficult to talk about, “last night.” Hangman immediately rolls his eyes and Bradley is now remembering why he hates having conversations with him.

“What about it?” The guy already sounds put out and Bradley’s said three words. 

“I think we should talk about it.” Hangman rolls his eyes again (god that’s starting to get really annoying) and he looks back at Bradley.

“Why?”

“Well, I think it’s kind of important.” Bradley shouldn’t have to explain the concept of consequences to him but maybe since Hangman's never experienced them, he needed a refresher. He clearly forgot about the entire DADT thing that’s going on and the whole ‘we hate each other’ rivalry that’s been present for the past year. 

“You know me Bradley,” He almost punches the asshole for saying his name, “actions are worth more than words.” What the fuck does that mean? 

“What?” Honestly, Hangman was starting to get on his last nerves again.

“I said,” Hangman lightly pushes himself off the counter, “actions,” he takes a step in Bradley’s direction to be safe few inches away, “are better,” he leans towards Bradley and he can feel the light fabric of the man’s shirt graze his bare torso, “than words.” Bradley follows Hangman’s movements as he sinks himself to his knees and he can feel his throat dry out. 

Bradley can’t seem to stop the deep breaths that are coming out of his mouth as Hangman lightly touches the skin above his waistband. He looks up at Bradley and they lock eyes- shit. Bradley knows he can read his open and shocked expression like a book. “Tell me no and I’ll stop.” Hangman lets a breathier voice come out and Bradley can feel himself getting hard with just the other pilot’s hands on his hips. 

Hangman’s hands slowly slide down the elastic band of Bradley’s sweats and he fights the urge to place his hand on Hangman’s head so soon. He feels his dick spring free of his sweats and all the sudden, a stripe is licked up from the base to the tip. Bradley can’t help but look down and can see Hangman’s coy smile as he flicks his tongue lightly over the slit of Bradley’s cock. He slowly urges it deeper into his mouth, licking underneath as he moves back and forth. Bradley can feel the heat radiating through his body, bolts of pleasure shooting through him as Hangman applies pressure to the most sensitive spots.

God, he’s way too fucking good at this. 

Hands press into Bradley’s thighs as his cock is pushed deeper into Hangman’s mouth and he can’t help but lean his head back to breathe. His hand naturally goes to the short, soft hair of the pilot and he lightly presses Hangman towards the base of his dick. To Bradley’s surprise, Hangman obliges, beginning to deepthroat Bradley’s cock and he quickly becomes aware of how close he is. Bradley’s never been one to make much noise but he can’t help the deep moans coming out of his mouth as Hangman picks up his speed. 

“I’m gonna..” Bradley pants out the words while trying to keep his head on straight but the intense pleasure coursing through him is almost too much to bear. He uses his hand to pull the hair on Hangman’s head lightly, getting him to ease up, but he’s still dragging his tongue back and forth against Bradley’s cock. “I’m..” Bradley looks down at the man below him and can see the tears in the corners of his eyes. He looks up to make eye contact, and Bradley almost finishes right then. He nods and Bradley tries to say it again. “I’m gonna..” Hangman’s nods get more violent before he places his attention on Bradley’s dick again, bobbing back and forth before his right hand moves along the base quickly. Bradley can feel that it’s the final straw with cock starting to hurt and the heat coursing through his veins.

“Fuck..” Bradley moans before letting himself go, and he can feel Hangman’s mouth come off his cock. His tongue traces the residue on the tip of Bradley’s dick before he locks his eyes with Bradley’s again and swallows.

Hangman leans back on his heels, letting himself breathe for a second, before the cocky smirk paints his face again. He slowly stands up and Bradley leans down to pull up his sweats while reminding himself to shower the second the other man leaves. Hangman quickly turns around to run his hands under the faucet before drying them and Bradley’s just trying to catch his breath. Honestly, did that just happen? 

Hangman turns back around and points at the kettle, “I think it’s done.” He smiles almost innocently and Bradley nods before filling the two mugs silently. This just made everything a whole lot more complicated between the two of them. Hangman takes his mug from Bradley with a smirk, lightly brushing their hands together and Bradley can feel himself getting hot again. 

[tothevines]

sooooooo I am now officially writing a jam fic (lmao) and I said to Holly earlier how maybe posting jam fic is what I need to break the seal and start posting my other fic. because I have two fics that are both like...a week's worth of solid daily editing away from being postable. (maybe two weeks. lol.)

so I've just been thinking about why I never do it...why don't I just buckle down and do the editing and post them. and obviously there is the mental hurdle of baring my soul and letting other people read something I've written, which I don't really do anymore. I used to have such thick skin--I've survived some incredibly toxic writing workshops (including one in which the fucking professor was the most toxic person in the workshop). I could handle People with Opinions About My Writing...but I don't know that I can anymore. and fanfiction is honestly a whole different beast. it's baring my soul in such a different way, one where I could easily Do It Wrong (e.g. with characterization), and that's terrifying.

but also...I'm realizing that part of the issue is that I simply have too many hobbies lmao. every evening/weekend, I'm faced with free time and I get overwhelmed because there are so many things i could do with it: work on my fic! work on my non-fanfic writing! catch up on my shows! read a book! play any of the six video games that I've only played half of! embroider! cross-stitch! make gifs! go for a hike! learn that new skill I've been wanting to learn (lately it's visible mending)! watch a two-hour video essay about an influencer I've never heard of! repot that aloe that's gotten too big for its container! deep clean my bathroom! (cleaning counts as a hobby okay 😤)

but ANYWAY...there are so many choices. I just like a lot of stuff. but often I end up doing none of these and feeling like absolute shit because I've wasted hours doomscrolling when I could have been doing something fulfilling (but that's a whole separate issue...).

but this week I haven't had any proper free time because I just moved. so every day has just been: get home from work > unpack boxes > eat dinner > unpack more boxes > go to bed. but my brain is rotating the blorbos like rotisserie chickens the entire time, and I really want to write, but I just don't have the time for it.

but then I get irritated with myself because - why am I acting like being busy is the reason I'm not writing? I don't write nearly as often as I'd like to, even when I do have the time for it. so why do I avoid it when I DO actually have the time???

and I think I just have so many hobbies that I will use them as an excuse to not write. if I'm always doing something else (or avoiding doing anything via doomscrolling), I can't write, so I can't ever post my fic, and I won't open myself up to criticism or being perceived.

I've felt so ashamed about not finishing/posting my fic for years at this point, but sitting here at work and word-vomiting all these thoughts into tumblr dot com actually feels like I'm having a little breakthrough about it. I don't know that having said breakthrough will actually make me change my behavior, but it's a good place to start!!!

it's really helpful for me to understand that I don't shy away from writing because I Am Bad and A Fraud but rather because all my other hobbies are so much less emotionally fraught--I don't have a bunch of fear and anxiety around all my other little activities like I do with writing. (not to mention how I have based a large part of my identity on ~being a writer~ for so much of my life and how hard THAT can make writing. for reasons that I cannot get into now but I'm sure y'all get it).

but anyway. I don't have a real conclusion here besides that I hope working this out will help me spend more time on writing and less time using my other interests to avoid writing. and maybe I will be able to tell when I want to do something because I actually have the desire to do it versus when I want to do something because it seems easier/less emotionally complicated than writing.

also maybe working on rpf is helpful because I don't know if I would ever post it anyway, so it's lower stakes??? if I do end up finishing a jam fic before I finish either of my queliot fics that will be so fucking funny though💀

[navxry]

i know you haven't been as active (probably because of irl stuff) but I wanted to let you know that your writing has always struck me as something unique and refreshing within the yan community. i know every writer will have their own ideas and writing, but yours is something I'll never experience from someone else. all your twists and turns are written in a way where they have a good build up but are unexpected, and you create an unique world with each fic (or universe) that makes me feel immersed in the story. i can feel how much you love your stories through your writing and i think that's beautiful

(utc, a bit emotional of a talk/response from an ex-writer)

This was probably one of the nicest messages I'll ever get, so I'm gonna put everything I feel here.

Thank you for this, anon. I don't know who you are, I don't know if you're my friend on anon or something, but you don't know how much this means to me. I thought my works wouldn't go so far in the community I used to write, but seeing that it affected you made me happy.

However, you're right on one thing. I've been... really busy. Finals got me swamped for weeks in October, not to mention that I couldn't continue writing for @/yxstxrdrxxm. I refuse to disclose the reasons why I can't write for it anymore, because frankly, it's stupid (and honestly, it's not new for some people) and so I don't bore anyone to death.

I contemplated just keeping this to myself, but decided against it and let this go. After all, this is something that I wished I've known sooner when I used to run the blog (it'd probably make things feel worth it, y'know?)

But anyways, sorry. That's besides the point.

Again, thank you for saying this. Although it's too late (because I don't know if I will un-archive the damn blog, it... Makes me feel empty thinking about it), it made me feel like I'm human to you. I don't know if others who saw it can say the same (except for my friends, hi, I know you see this too), but its... nice.

I'm honestly so glad you can tell how much passion goes into them. Each fic is something more than just words that I've regurgitated to, because it makes me feel that I'm personally in that world, so to speak. Its why its so personal when certain fics (OLC's series of mini drabbles/"date" fics, WotD if I bothered to post anyway, which I doubt lol, standalone ones like Tailor of Inazuma, Losing Patience, and even Alone) feel so... yknow. Alive. Like you're in it, I suppose.

I honestly want people to experience that feeling I do, to feel like they're really immersed in whatever goes on in that fic. That even if it stops at the last word, at the last punctuation... It still leaves a mark on your mind. And I'm very happy to know that it made you as invested as I was in writing it, only that you're reading it.

You genuinely have no idea how happy it makes me feel. And that's me being honest and not "haha, I'm just being a menace". It's more of.. yknow. "damn, someone really likes it? and sees it that way? thats... really nice of them."

Even if I don't write for the yandere community anymore (at least, for a specific fandom, because I personally don't think I'll ever write anything for the sake of getting my name out there), I'm... gonna remember this. Who knows? Maybe you'll see my fics again. Maybe you won't. At this point, I don't even know myself.

Just know that your message was... a nice welcome against the feeling of genuine hopelessness and feeling of being nothing to everyone. It's not as impactful as some may assume, but trust me, it made me feel genuinely human and all that I put out there was worth the pain.

tl;dr: thanks, anon. Your message genuinely made me writing for a year with a yandere genshin/hyv fandom worth it, even at a time where acknowledgement is hard (or even rare) to come around. It made everything worth the effort, more than you may think.

(also, although I wont be writing for the yandere community anymore or more specifically, to a certain fandom that genuinely sucked my happiness dry, I'll remember your message. It means a lot more than you may think.)

Anyways, yeah. thanks for making me feel that everything is worth it, and for making me feel that all my efforts weren't for naught. you're a real one /gen /pos

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Beachbeat Shaggin' 1987 Beach Music / R&B / Soul / Pop-Soul / Soft Rock

Here's a little insular scene that you may have never heard about that really started to kick itself into gear on the opposite coast at around the same time that sunny southern Californian surf music was hogging up so much of the national spotlight in the 60s. Down in the south Atlantic, in the beach towns of the Carolinas, you could find a specific style of dance called the Carolina Shag taking off, with an uptempo and very upbeat type of R&B serving as its primary soundtrack, which, naturally, would end up earning itself the name of beach music.

Now, beach music, which is still regionally popular to this very day, is not really a distinct and unique form of music like surf is, which might be partially why it's never been nearly as recognized. A lot of beach music songs have not been deliberately made to have been beach tunes themselves, but because they seem to specifically pair well with the Carolina Shag, they've been retroactively categorized as such since by beach music enthusiasts. And, of course, once people realized that beach music was its own thing, there was more of a deliberate effort to make music for the shaggers too, but still, the music did not have a very unique and newfangled sound to it like surf did, and if you'd heard beach music without knowing what people were shagging to in the Carolinas, you probably wouldn't categorize any of it further than R&B or soft rock or pop-soul with a pretty light and highly chipper mood.

But perhaps the greatest aspect of beach music overall—besides the fact that its own initial development in the 50s had marked a small sign of racial progress in a still-segregated south, as a significant amount of white people were actively seeking out black-made music for what seemed like the first time in Carolinian history—is that almost none of the songs that had formed this little music niche were all that popular outside of it. Maurice Williams and The Zodiacs' "Stay" is really the only piece of beach music to ever top the Billboard chart, and Freda Payne's "Band of Gold" was a pretty big hit too; but outside of those, beach music playlists have been significantly comprised of deep cuts, b-sides, middling chart hits, and R&B and soul nuggets that had otherwise been ignored, but met the genre's own sonic qualifications. And in that sense, and really that sense only, beach music is a whole lot like the UK's northern soul scene, which prided itself on crate digging for obscure oldies gems and giving them the proper due that they'd deserved but hadn't yet received.

But now here's where I'll really be honest with you all: it's not a totally across-the-board thing, but at a certain point in time, when this scene had developed enough self-awareness in order to produce its own bands who focused specifically on this type of music, a whole lot of this stuff really got to sounding like it'd been manufactured for white couples in a classic Viagra ad. Like, it gives an 80s promotional tourism VHS kind of vibe for a super touristy place like Myrtle Beach, where the opening shot, of course, comes from an overhead helicopter that's able to capture the sparkle of all the sunlight coming off of the ocean's waves. I've been throwing the word 'idyllic' around a lot in a bunch of these posts as of late, and this is another one where it definitely applies.

Perhaps it was just the studio consoles that were being used at that time in much of the R&B, soul, and adult-oriented music worlds writ large, but a lot of that stuff with a super polished and pristine sound ironically feels pretty soulless and hollow in retrospect, and when you apply those same glossy sonic qualities to a specific type of music that's already been selected because it also has a certain amount of escapist strifelessness to it, I think what you end up with is a sort of 'this-is-too-perfect-that-it's-actually-kind-of-disconcerting' Stepford Wives kind of scenario 😬. And unfortunately, that's what a lot of songs on this album seem to have in common, with something like Band of Oz's over-the-top "Shaggin'" serving as a prime example.

So, needless to say, my preference for beach music tends to be the type that didn't really seem to be obviously and purposely made for the scene itself, and that's pretty solely for the fact that the older and rougher tunes feel a whole lot more human and a lot less like I'm being subjected to the jingle for The Villages.

Click play, if you dare 😈.

Favorite song of mine on here I think is the very catchy "I Got the Fever" by Georgia Prophets, which really has a swift and sweat-inducing funkiness to it like no other song on this late 80s collection from the DCC Compact Classics label has. The early 70s single for this song never charted nationally in the US on the Hot 100, but it still managed to earn this North Carolinian group a gold record nevertheless. A really terrific beach music classic.

So I'm not overly crazy about beach music as a whole, but there's definitely some quality tunes to be heard from it, and the way the scene's been built over the years with a lot of individual, under-the-radar songs is pretty neat too. Kinda surprised that it hasn't produced too many pop cultural products, though, because you'd think a Dirty Dancing-type of script that accurately portrays this scene and its music could've practically written itself by now and given both beach music and the Carolina Shag a whole lot more exposure 🤷‍♂️. And wasn't "Stay" also on the Dirty Dancing soundtrack too? What's taken people so long to get more than one movie about this stuff out there? 🤔

And here's a Twitter thread of mutual aid groups that you can donate to in order to help those impacted by Hurricane Helene in the Carolinas and beyond. Every dollar helps! 🙏

Highlights:

Swingin' Medallions - "Hey Hey Baby" Garnett Mims & The Enchanters - "Quiet Place" Freda Payne - "Band of Gold" Lenny O'Henry - "Across the Street" The Drifters - "Kissin' in the Back Row of the Movies" Tams - "I've Been Hurt" Georgia Prophets - "I Got the Fever" Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs - "Stay"

[lichfucker]

Hello please take this as an excuse to go off about cat mom bc I am Intrigued by Wander now 👀

sldjkfslkdfc thank you for enabling me iz 🥰🥰

wandering eye is a mountain lion tabaxi scout rogue and her stats are terrible but she's SO fast. I made her as my backup character for ingot after the very first session of reforged bc jd had been talking about what a shame it was that none of us were playing rogues lmfao. in like session six or something the party ran into wander while out traveling, and jd played her as an npc, and I've been sitting on the fact that that was me the whole time for the past four years.

wander grew up in an insular tabaxi community in the mountains that devoutly worshipped eyhemet, the g-d of the sun and fate and harmony (a cat lying in the sun is a holy experience). one morning when she was seven years old, the wind blew just right, and she locked eyes with a girl named sunrise over ashen peaks (ash for short, a snow leopard), and they both knew. fate had struck. they were destined for each other. they got married in their late teens, and ash became a cleric.

the continent where reforged takes place has a mountain range splitting it down the middle, and the two nations on either side of the mountains have been at war for the past fifty years, with the entire mountain range being disputed territory or active war zones or otherwise difficult to cross. one day when wander and ash were in their early twenties, a goblin refugee stumbled into town, seeking help to pass through the mountains. wander and ash volunteered-- wander being fast and quiet and knowing the land better than anyone, and ash being strong and protective and having healing magic made them the perfect pair for the job. so they did it. and they kept doing it. they built their lives around smuggling people across the border in both directions.

eventually ash got into a bit of strife with her g-d and they broke their faith. they met suri (one of the campaign's major npcs), a follower of the secret g-d of thieves, the unnamed thirteenth. suri told them she was planning to start a thieves' guild in the capital city and asked them to join, so they did. they found their new home in the city, and their new home in the unnamed thirteenth.

wander and ash kept doing their transport work, constantly traveling. when they were in town, they'd be surrogate moms to all the ruffians joining the guild, but they were usually gone, especially as the war continued. one day they were sneaking a prisoner out of the capital, but he changed his mind about the destination halfway through the trip, which ultimately led to them getting caught. wander was quick enough to break away from the cops, but ash... wasn't. ash was imprisoned in a magical tower designed to make people forget about their loved ones inside. soon enough the details of their existence just fade from your memory.

by the current point in the campaign, they're in their mid-40s and ash has been locked up for about five years. most people by now have forgotten all about ash. but not wander. nobody knows why. maybe it's a gift from the unnamed thirteenth. maybe it's a gift from eyhemet. maybe it's something stranger than that. but wander remembers. she dresses for stealth and concealment, but she always leaves her wedding band visible. she talks in the plural-- always saying "we," "us," and "our" instead of "I," "me," and "my"-- as a constant reminder that there should be someone beside her. she has extremely high dex and charisma but all the rest of her stats are garbage because those are all ash's skills and wander is incomplete without her.

wander has the keen mind feat and burns all written correspondence as soon as she's read it. all written correspondence she sends includes instructions to burn it, too. do not keep traceable evidence of her existence, and do not ever use her name. if anyone asks, her name is sight unseen, and her wife is named mist on the horizon. (for security, she doesn't use anyone else's name, either-- she refers to everyone by coded monikers and nicknames and epithets.) the government made sunrise over ashen peaks a ghost; wandering eye has become a shadow in kind.

basically, wander is an excuse for me to cry every time I listen to skeleton key by dessa.

[thatuselesshuman]

OC Reddit AITA Tag

Thank you for the tag @wyked-ao3 and @the-golden-comet

Rules: Make an Am I The Asshole? post (look at r/amita or r/AITA for examples if you haven’t seen them) for an OC. The community will then vote to see who is the asshole in the given scenario.

We'll use Jem, since he's been on the brain lately lol

AITA for not telling the people around me that I'm dying?

I (17M) have a disease that is killing me. I've had it my entire life, and no one has ever known about it. I think people have had suspicions, like my ally (17F) asking me why I cough up blood, but I have never told them for certain.

Now, in my opinion, this isn't something they should concern themselves with. It's my business, first of all, and second of all, I am actively working on getting cured. Besides, if I told them and word got out, it would only cause further problems for me.

That brings us to a day or two ago. We were all at dinner in the cafeteria, eating like we usually do. Earlier that day I had gotten an assignment from the leader that could end up with me dead. I also hadn't told anyone about this either, but that's besides the point. Somehow, my previously mentioned ally mentioned something about how unreasonable the leader was, and I scoffed at her. Usually I wouldn't have said anything, but because of the previous assignment I was looking for a fight.

The ally then looked at me with a look that almost said 'what's your problem?' and asked me what that was for. I brushed her off as usual, but she must have also been looking for a fight because she started lecturing me. What really pissed me off is when she mentioned something about how they only cared about her status and treated her more like a shiny possession instead of a person, and how I would know something about that (for context, I was a forced prostitute for 3 years prior).

I obviously snapped back, genuinely pissed now, saying something about how they at least don't want their shiny toy to get damaged, enough at least that they keep her alive by any means necessary. She argued that they didn't even have me doing anything dangerous, so how would I know? For some reason I saw red and started yelling at her, basically telling her that at least she didn't have an illness that was slowly killing them but instead of curing you, they instead used it to make you their slave. I also said something like she's delusional if she thinks she's the only one with the right to be mad at the world.

Well, instead of getting mad at me for yelling, now everyone's mad at me because I didn't tell them that I was dying. I was confused, because of all the things to be mad at me for, that's the thing they chose? I left, not looking to be yelled at for not sharing something that's not their business, but now no one will talk to me without bringing it up and being mad about it, which is frankly annoying. So, AITA?

@moltenwrites @willtheweaver @illarian-rambling @katenewmanwrites @agirlandherquill +open tag

[a-s-levynn]

Dont know if you're still dealing with that headache or if these remedies are up your alley but, here you go. -Caffeine [Tea/Coffee/etc.] -Salt [Yeah,gross I know but it happens..You can also get salt tablets if you don't wanna go ham on a salt shaker.] -Up your sugar intake,if you're more on the healthy side you can use fruits and other natural ways to up it..Low blood sugar causes headaches even for folks who don't have Diabetes/etc. -Hydrate [Water/Powerade/Gatorade/Propel/etc.] -Warm or cold compresses,depends on the person. -Try not to chew anything till the headache goes away,know it sounds weird but anything straining on your jaw can cause your head to hurt. -Dim the lights/sleep/be in a climate controlled area/take a bath or shower. -Relax your head/scalp if you wear your hair up,give it a break. But yeah,all I can think of at the moment. Have a good day/night and feel better soon.

Dear Anon, thank you for compiling these. I was way past these when i posted my comlpaints, but these are good advice, my only addition is to try massage your neck, it could be muscle tension ass well.

But if we are on the topic, allow me to clear up the confusion i see lately around me complaining about medical stuff.

ps: salt is not gross, i usually have the type with the large chunks just to eat it sometimes 🥺

Under the cut, cause long.

So.

I do not aim to be read ungrateful here. This is mostly because i still don't really know how to deal with people being kind to me. I'm just genuinly so bad at dealing with people actually caring about me the way sometimes you guys jump in. My brain is simply reads kindness like this as someone seeing me incompetent and i am actively trying to unlearn that. So i don't even know why am i writing this long ass thing here besides organizing my thoughts. But i did it anyway.

sidenote: I had the tags "levynn cries about nonsense" and i usually pair it up with "don't mind me" or "rethorical question" as well. These were not for show. They were to indicate something, that's past any possible solution or cannot be solved momentarily and i just needed to shout about it in some form, not a cry for help. When i need help, trust me, you gonna know. I am at a point of my life when i just say if i need help with a thing. So i started to leave them occasionally because you guys are way too nice not to care anyway. But when i say "don't worry" i fully mean it in the "it has been taken care of or will pass in a bit, it's okay."

BUT please let's not forget, that i am an adult, living alone for the better part of a decade now, with a pretty decent survival rate if i say so myself.

I know i regularly say i'm stupid and joking about being unhealthy at times, but that's mostly just the energy drinks and the occasionally skipped meals. But in general i lead a pretty healthy and balanced diet and life. I am simply not smart in the academic sense. You know, more the low INT high WIS type if anything.

I've been dealing with various pains for the better part of my life, so i am pretty well equipped to battle it in theory, but there are always the types that shrug off even proper medication. Sure, i am trying to avoid too many pills because i actually did have a problem before, but it is still not beyond me to take some if i need it. It needs to be regulated but if it's needed it's needed.

Same goes for the heat and sun. I grew up with sun allergy and light sensitivity. I know how to manage it. But i still going to complain when it's 30+ °C here (it's around 40 for a week now, which is 104 for the °F users) and i am used to the 20 range, so i am going to comlpain. Even if i have a cooling unit at home, i still have to get home in the heat. And that time could be enough for me to bank a sunstroke or up to 2nd degree burns if i'm not careful.

So whenever i'm posting about something hurting (especially my head and leg) or about being hot outside, it is more to be a heads up if anything, that if i respond even slower or forget to respond or not being as nice as i usually try to be, that's why.

It is also a simple complain when even proper medication fails. And i am not talking about aspirin, but two 50mg diclofenac-calium pills for these types. The kind they give here around childbirth type of pains.

I genuinly cherish the fact that you guys are taking your time to write me various lenghts of advice on stuff, i just don't know how to process the part where you are being kind out of being kind, not because you actually think i am an idiot, not knowing how to stay alive.

[codythecheshirecat]

I Think I've Been Interacting With Myself Differently Lately CH 8

AO3

Cody's stubbornness reappears. He and Rex have a talk where nothing is communicated.

Bored on his lunch break, Cody taps through various files on his datapad. There are three reminders for the month, a handful of photos and videos sent to him by brothers and friends who thought he’d appreciate them (some are comedic, some are serious, and he’s kept them all whether he liked them or not because he appreciates the thought), and-

His notes from Gregor’s class. He bites the inside of his cheek– an annoying, new habit that he can’t break- and opens the file. He stares at his notes for Deadnaming. He’s memorized the words, but reads them anyway.

And then he turns his attention to the topics he has yet to continue researching– Gender Identity, Transgender, and Sexual Orientation. He’s not sure why he hasn’t researched them more. He’s had plenty of time to do so. And, honestly, these concepts aren’t foreign– Kamino hadn’t exactly prepared them for the wider galaxy in any way other than for war, but Cody has been around. He’s paid attention. He’s learned. 

So he can’t really explain why it’s easier to throw himself out of a gunship during open fire than it is to search those terms again.

People who don't experience any sexual attraction for anyone often call themselves asexual.

Clearly there’s more than one definition for the term asexual, considering this is a very different usage than asexual reproduction. Why use the same term? Because there’s no sexual partner? Surely it must get confusing.

Transgender is an umbrella term for individuals whose gender identity, gender expression or behavior does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth.

Cody can honestly say that he’s never put enough thought into his own gender to even think this might be a possibility. The Kaminoans had told them they were clones, and that was that. Nothing more to think about.

And now there are things like taxes and gender to think about, Cody thinks, rolling his eyes internally. People honestly think about this?

How much thought did Rex put into realizing he was attracted to Senator Organa? About Queen Organa? Did he think about it at all?

Actually, here’s a new thought: is Cody supposed to be thinking about that all?

Am I the odd one out?

“You look like you want to kill that thing,” Sen says, sliding into the chair beside him. “You alright?”

Cody turns the datapad off. “I’m fine,” he says. “Although, I’d appreciate a distraction.”

Her lips twitch into a grin. “Anything in particular?”

“Anything.”

She pulls a datapad from her pocket. “Alright, so we’re trying to find something to do with you for your birthday. Marsi thinks we should be sneaky about it and make it a surprise, and Fi is insistent that mini golfing is the best activity.”

“And you disagree with both of them?” cody guesses.

“Not really, they both have good points. I definitely think we should do something you’ve never done before, though. You ever been to a concert?”

Have I ever been to a concert? “I was present for a handful of celebratory events that involved music,” Cody says. “Other than that, no.”

“No, then. Well, I’ve been looking at concerts happening around your birthday here on Coruscant.”

Cody tilts his head. “Anything I’ve heard of?”

“Let’s see. Poor Man’s Poison?”

“No.”

“Lovejoy?”

Cody shakes his head.

“Hey Violet?”

“Maybe?”

“Probably not,” Sen says, eyeing the datapad. “Have you heard of Taylor Swift?”

“I don’t live under a rock, Sen,” Cody says. “I know Taylor Swift.”

“Would you go to one of her concerts?”

“I wasn’t made to deal with that crowd,” Cody says.

“What about Snail Mail?”

Cody is suddenly transported back to the Negotiator, where he’d borne witness to the tail end of a conversation about what the world would be like if they were all snails. “No snails, please.”

Sen puts her datapad on the table. “Well, that was all of them.”

Cody stares at the datapad, where ‘Ghost’ is clearly written underneath Snail Mail. “What’s Ghost?”

Sen snorts. “Ghost is my favorite band, and definitely not your speed, Cody.”

“Ghost company.”

“That’s great, and I still think it���s not your speed.” Sen shakes her head. “Trust me, you’d fit in better with the Swifties.”

“Skywalker would fit in with the Swifties,” Cody says. “I’ve made up my mind. Tell the others we’re seeing Ghost in concert.”

“It’s a terrible idea to do that.”

“Your insistence is only making me more stubborn.” Cody tilts his head. “I was supposed to be a Captain, you know. Alpha-17 was supposed to train me as a Captain. Commander happened because I didn’t take no for an answer.”

They have a stare off. Cody has two minutes until he has to clock back in for lunch. After a moment, Sen sighs.

“Alright, your funeral. I’ll tell the others it’s your deepest wish to go see Ghost in concert. You want a heads up of what their concerts are like?”

“Is it anything like the battlefield?”

“I can’t imagine that it is.”

“Then I’ll be fine,” Cody stands, tilting his head like a polite bow. “Enjoy your break, Sen.”

Rex breaks into his apartment and makes himself caf. Cody watches him, not saying a word, knowing that Rex knows he’s there and that this is an intricate ritual that they must take part in and that neither of them fully understand.

This is what it’s like having brothers, as Cody understands it.

Rex has brought with him an Orchid plant. He sets it on Cody’s counter, and Cody eyes the handwritten note attached– all he can see from this distance is Fox’s signature.

Finally, Rex situates himself on the opposite end of Cody’s couch and stares at him.

Cody deems it time to talk. “Rex.”

“Cody,” Rex says. “Fox made me bring that Orchid.”

“I figured,” Cody says. “Rex, how did you know you were interested in the Organas?”

Rex blinks at him like a fish out of water. Cody waits patiently for him to get his mind back together. “What?”

“How did you know you were interested in the Organas?” Cody repeats. “What was the thought process?”

Rex gives him a curious look. “There wasn’t a thought process.”

Well, that doesn’t make sense. “You have to have thought about it.”

“It’s more of a feeling,” Rex says. “Like when you’re on the battlefield, and you’re acting on instinct more than conscious thought.”

“You have to have thought it through.”

“Whether or not I wanted to act on it, sure. Not the attraction itself.”

Cody stares at him. “Is that not the same?”

“No,” Rex says slowly, making his thinking face. “What’s another metaphor? It’s like facial expression and verbal communication.”

“I’m not following,” Cody says, frowning hard. “How are they like attraction?”

“Cody, what’s this about?” Rex asks. He sets his cup of caf on the floor. “Is everything alright?”

Like when you’re on the battlefield, and you’re acting on instinct more than conscious thought. It’s like facial expression and verbal communication. “Do you not think about your facial expressions?”

“...Only when I might have to disguise the expressions on my face,” Rex says. “Are you saying you do?”

“I think we might be looking at the same thing from different angles,” Cody says. He bites his cheek again. “Different words, same thing. Forget about it.”

“If you’re sure,” Rex says. “Did you still want to talk about Bail and Breha..?”

“No,” Cody says. “Forget about that, too. Do you have birthday plans?”